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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relative with MH Issues

2 replies

Twentynone21 · 12/05/2020 11:25

My DCousin in her 60s lives alone in sheltered accommodation and has MH issues. DCousin parents are dead, she does not have a partner or children and I am one of the few family members to stay in contact.

DCousin has suffered with poor MH over her adult life and due to her difficult, argumentative nature struggles to maintain friendships and frequently writes to the council, her MP, Scotland Yard the United Nations of she feels that she has been slighted in any way.

In addition, she is fixed on her physical health and feels that she has a multitude of ailments and generally feels that life has given her a bad deal and everyone is against her.

The Covid 19 pandemic has predictably brought about some issues for DCousin as she thinks that she has been suffering with the virus since before Christmas. The GP has, after many consultations, told DCousin to self isolate.

During self isolation over the past 2 weeks DCousin has frequently been in contact and given me a to do list for her. She refuses to pay for anything online, do internet or phone banking & lives in an area of London where it is difficult to social distance, especially when doing her food shopping. DCousin gave me her bank card to go to an ATM to withdraw money and get a mini statement.

Last weekend, DCousin got in a state over her pay as you go phone package as it had not topped up and was charging per call/text etc. I checked the phone acct & found that she had sent picture texts which were chargeable & therefore depleted the top up balance & the package was not renewed. DCousin was in a state, repeatedly texting, saying that she had fainted been sick due to stress so I input my bank card details on the mobile acct and paid the top up.

Since this time, I have repeatedly tried to explain what happened to DCousin by text & phone call but she repeatedly rants and gets angry about the phone package and at me for helping and criticises how I have tried to explain things and says that she no longer wants to use this provider.

Yesterday, I took my card details off the account and told DCousin that the pay as you go expires 7 June & she can either pay by topping up or find an alternative provider.

DCousin is now really angry, flitting from quoting her human rights to sending ver malicious texts.

My question is WWYD? DCousin is very vulnerable and has help from a voluntary organisation with her shopping and I think adult social care have been in contact. However, I think she intends to continue isolating herself for a long period of time, but is not in the shielding group.

DCousin has a history of reporting people to the police. I am a bit worried she will do this to me. My job is with a vulnerable group of people and therefore a clean DBS check is required and I do not want this compromised.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 12/05/2020 11:43

Reporting you to the police will NOT go on a DBS! It will not compromise a DBS. Even if the police come and have a chat to access the situation it will not go on a DBS. And if she's a frequent reporter of trivial matters they are more likely to ignore her anyway.

Only cautions and conviction are put on. So stop panicking.

I also think trying to explain things to her and trying to rationalise is futile and only causes you both stress. I think you'd be better just grey rocking . Ignore malicious texts and wait til she burns herself out. "That's interesting" for any mention of human rights if you bother replying at all.

The phone thing should have been simple "Oh dear, how dreadful. I'll top it up for you but the company only lets me do it once then deletes my details". Explaining it to her only stressed her out, and will not stop her doing it again.

Twentynone21 · 12/05/2020 12:22

@Thingsdogetbetter - thanks for the info about DBS! I will try to stop panicking. I hadn’t realised, but the constant phone calls and texts over the last couple of days have been draining and put me on edge and I’ve learnt my lesson not to try and explain anything anymore. I will not be responding to the malicious texts

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