Hi,
I’ve been having some strange throughs lately. 2 years ago my ex cheated on me and left me for someone else he met at work and is still with her. At the time when this all happened I was happy to be out of the relationship and worked on bettering myself but for the last few weeks I can’t shake this feeling and I almost feel guilty and thinking it’s my fault that he cheated.
At times our relationship was good but when it was bad it was terrible. He was verbally abusive and did put his hands on me once or twice. His put his hand around my throat and grabbed my arm so hard that I came up in bruises. But recently I keep thinking of the ways he was good - he did a lot for me and made me feel like I’m his world in the beginning. He was with me when I found out my dad had cancer and even bought me a puppy for a birthday. He did grand gestures but then our relationship became toxic. I also spoke to him wrongly and turned into someone I wasn’t.
He started to use a lot of class a drugs as well as steroids. But I just wonder did I deserve all of this, did I drive him to cheat and why am I forgetting all the horrible things he did and only remembering the good times? Even now I feel like I’m under some manipulation which is what he always used to do.
I’m with someone else now and our relationship is very balanced. We never swear at eachother or are verbally abusive. I would never speak to him the way I did with my ex because we respect eachother. But he doesn’t do the grand gestures or the intense back and forth that my ex did. Have I been so brainwashed to think that’s what a healthy relationship was? Why am I even feeling guilty over his cheating as lord knows I could have done the same in our crappy relationship but I never strayed!why do women feel as if it’s always their fault??