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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you do ?

7 replies

Lol1973 · 11/05/2020 10:59

My ex lives around 4 hours away and is wanting to see his DC. He has no where to stay and wants to stay in my house for a couple of days but I've said no. He has no respect for me and has threatened me a couple months back and I simply dont feel comfortable with him in my home. I've explained this to him and said if he finds himself somewhere to stay hes welcome to see DC but he's not staying with me. He then turned around and said that I should but dc first and I'm making it about myself and he doesn't see why I won't let him stay in my house. He said most mums would put their children first and I should do the same.
AIBU to put my foot down ?

OP posts:
Ibelieveinyesterday · 11/05/2020 11:07

Absolutely not unreasonable OP. Much easier said than done but don't let him wear your boundaries down. Well done on saying no. You're exactly like most good mums and you ARE putting your dc first by showing them what resilience, assertiveness and healthy boundaries are.
He is the one who's living so far away from his children but has the nerve to question your priorities!? Hmm

potter5 · 11/05/2020 11:11

Please don't let him bully you. Stand your ground!

Original poster
Lol1973 · 11/05/2020 11:22

Thank you ! Just certain things he says makes me question if I'm being fair but your right I will definitely stand my ground

OP posts:
fedupwithitallnow · 11/05/2020 11:28

I would definitely stand your ground, you are putting your children first by not wanting someone in your house that has no respect for you, the fact that he's "turned around and said that I should but dc first and I'm making it about myself and he doesn't see why I won't let him stay in my house" says it all about him, that he's unreasonable and it won't be a nice environment for you or the children

moonset · 11/05/2020 11:31

The person who has bullied you and has no respect for you is the one who isn't putting the children first. Tell him that as a parent, a father, you're not letting him stay due to that and that's down to him, not you. Don't let him stay. This is not for the kids it's for him.

mummydoingamasters · 11/05/2020 11:32

You are putting your children first by establishing boundaries and protecting your mental health and well-being.
If he's so desperate to see them he'll take other means to do so rather than trying to bully and demean you because you won't bow to his every demand and request

Raidblunner · 11/05/2020 12:14

No its completely unacceptable for him to expect to enter your home and no doubt resume treating you the way he left off. Your children's and your own well being come first now. Ic he wants to be a committed father to his children he'll save some money and stay in B&B or with a friend.
No ifs no buts...when or if your children pose the question why their Dad isn't seeing you tell them exactly why. It's his choice to live 4 hours, he has to make & take the correct choices and actions to play an active part in their lives. Basically to man up

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