Questions to ask a man on dates

[Ritascornershop]

I have been going for distanced walks with a neighbour (okay where we live, not the UK). He seems nice, clever, etc, but I have a habit of being attracted to men who turn out to be abusive in some form (1st one emotionally & physically abusive, second liar and cheated but supposedly “head over heels” for me). Also both those main relationships I got into too quickly and Covid allows me to slow this down a lot.

I’m wondering what sort of thing to ask to get to know him. Beyond talking about interests I mean, more values sort of thing? I have sussed out that he’s kept many friends over a lifetime, so that’s good. We have fairly similar politics I think.

Any ideas of how to get an idea of who he is would be welcome.

I don't know Rita. I am feeling very cynical about men these days. I think the majority of them are porn addicted and watching dodgy shit that would make us hit the roof if we knew about it, however nice they act to our faces. Like I say, I'm cynical.

Putting that to one side, one thing I would do is keep a mental note of how reciprocal the conversation is. By the end of a walk, has he asked about your thoughts too?

I had what seemed like a pleasant conversation with a male colleague the other day, but at the end of it I noted that I knew an awful lot about him, what his degree was in, where he grew up, his family members, what he thought about various things but after nearly an hour he had not asked one single thing about me in return. I managed to chip in but wasn't interested in me or my thoughts at all, just my usefulness as a sounding board.

How about listening to the news in the morning and just introducing a topical but slightly contentious issue that you have an opinion on and see what he thinks of it first. If you disagree with him, pay attention to how he responds to that. Also listen out for how quick he is to criticise things or others versus how quick he is to praise or be positive. Do you generally feel relaxed in his company and able to speak freely, or a bit guarded and self-conscious? Does he have a good sense of humour and make you laugh?

Thanks! I like those ideas :) He does like the sound of his own voice, but not to the point of ignoring me when I talk (ha! There’s me and my low bar).

I feel somewhat guarded with him, but I think that’s more my shitty experiences than him. Good idea about introducing a challenging topic!

He’s generally pretty positive I think. I’ve noticed his texts aren’t super chummy, and I miss that from the last idiot man. So we’ll see.