What would you think about this?

[Lifeasamum]

If your boyfriend was constantly on his phone and slept more downstairs on your sofa than in your bed?

Is it your house or his where you live or is it joint?

Who cares whose fault it is, or perceives to be?
Just say, "Yeah, I know it's my fault. I suck. Good bye."

I don't get it - what difference does it make? He's abusive. You want out. Leave.

Good plan OP.

Well done op! You go girl.

You have made good steps. Recognised the situation as very wrong, yourself. Had the courage to talk about it here and make it more real. Had the resolve to fix it.
Make concrete plans of how to get rid, and follow through. Telling other people in your real life will help, as will the therapy.

You are further along than you think. Mentally you know what you are dealing with and you are clear on the destination but emotionally you just need to find the capacity to see it through to the end - and as other have said speak up in RL to friends, get a list of practical actions that need to be taken as well as plans for when he blocks and manipulates these.

When you are ready, everything in place, RL support and back up to hand - just take the first small step and the others will follow.

You have done really well to know this is wrong, to reflect on your own childhood and choose something different for your own children, to post here, to listen to advice, and to have organised a therapist. That’s a lot of productive and positive ground covered.

Everything you’re saying is very sane and sensible. You’ve got your head screwed on and know exactly what’s wrong and right. You’ve just got to be a bit tougher in putting your foot down and not letting him twist things. Keep your eyes focused on the prize - a stress free life without him and nothing negative for your children to think is normal.

Just want to add my support OP. You sound lovely and sensible. Get rid of him and then hold out for a man who treats you and your children as well as you deserve.

Is he living in your home? Are you able to just tell him to clear off now?

1/ What's he doing downstairs? Porn / Chatting with other women / Gambling / Nothing good. Not worth trying to find out.

2/ Love is as love does. Words are meaningless. Judge a man by actions and actions alone.

3/ How do you FEEL? If you FEEL bad you need to change the circumstances, and never assume you can change the man or that it is your fault. If you FEEL bad - it IS bad. End of. Don't overthink it. Respect your feelings. People who have grown up in dysfunctional families have difficulty in doing this. But you can train yourself and change.