Messages from dds friend age 12

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My dd is in yr7 and she has a friend in her class she fights with all the time. Both feisty girls. This girl does hook dd in to fights a fair bit. However, it is far from one sided and dd seems to spoil for a fight with her too. This is all FaceTime atm obvs....

Problem is, the girl periodically messages me asking for help in managing my dd. I am not sure how much emotional time her mum gives to her. Separated and dad sounds pants. She has been to mine a couple of times and she appears really really emotionally needy btw. Dh said the same.

How do I handle this? I’ve tried to be as bland as possible. Told her to take some time away from dd. But she then sends stuff back to me. I’ve responded again. Blandly.

Anyone have experience of this?

She sounds like a budding psychopath, highly manipulative, charming. Trying to turn you to her side, against your own daughter.

Get your DD out of that friendship.

I’d take away the smart phone until year 9, or perhaps 10.
I’d get her a simple pay-as-you-go phone, or one of the smaller giffgaff bundles, once she’s used her data/credit she has ran out for the month. This is how it was for me and that’s how it will be for mine, although smartphones didn’t seem to be everywhere until I was 11. Annoying at the time, but in hindsight I’m glad I wasn’t able to participate in all the online drama.
I think too much social media is quite toxic to teens/almost teens.
I’d also tell the girl it wasn’t appropriate to talk to you about this, but can talk to her mum or the school if she’s having problems.

I'd block the child and take your DD off SM for a week. Let them calm down. No way would I be involved in their kids spats. You'll never get anywhere and it would drive me bonkers

Okaaaay budding psychopath. Will bear in mind.

My number has been deleted from her phone. So hopefully this will be an end to it...

I know what people are saying about her phone. Dd is fine on her phone most of the time tbh. At the moment she’s using it to chat with friends whilst playing Roblox together and they all get on absolutely fine. She’s not doing that constantly of course.

I check her phone regularly and she spends very little time in her room. The only reason I didn’t hear this convo is because I was resting. Dd has had it confiscated in the past because of fighting with her. The girl sends voice messages all the time. Including angry voice messages. She sent me a voice message just over a minute long. 🤯

I’m going to talk to her with dh after dinner about how to handle this situation and reiterating ground rules. They’ve gone out to get some fresh air.

Tbh I don’t intend to remove a smart phone in lockdown. But I am going to ban voice messaging for starters - not that dd sends them often. These are a bad habit to get into.