Ignored my gut, here I am

[majormumma]

When I was 22 I met a lovely man on work experience that I have gone on to marry.
4 months in to our relationship my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer and after a 6 week illness she passed away. I wasn’t a particularly mature 22 year old so had to do lots of growing up and figuring out, all with my boyfriend (at the time) by my side.
My mum bless her had issues of her own concerning addiction and my now husband and his family took me in, offered me stability and a different family life than I was used too, I was and still am eternally grateful.
It never really crossed my mind that maybe we were incompatible, he was and still is, loving and kind and a great dad to DS. I just haven’t been happy for a while, I now know that I rushed into our relationship, our wedding, having DS and I really wish that I hadn’t ignored my gut telling me that this isn’t right for me, I wanted the perfect life, everything a girl could dream of.
Now my head is a mess 90% of the time, I think I am probably very stupid, naive and selfish for feeling that I should not have married this man, we are growing separately, have very different views on lots of things, argue and bicker regularly and I know I sound callous to admit that I often wonder how life would be without him.
My parents split before I was 2 and quite frankly I don’t believe I’ve missed out on anything, I saw my dad weekly and loved having two birthdays etc.
I know from reading posts that there are lots of women who want to leave their husband but I think I’m throwing the towel in too soon. I know that I sound horrible and selfish and I wish I could turn back time and be more honest with myself. I don’t know if anyone will reply to this thread, I just wanted to voice how I’m feeling and wonder if anyone has felt this way before.

I really feel for you. You lost your mother at a very young age, and the people who took care of you at that time did so because they're good at heart. You didn't realise you're not compatible with your now husband, because you were too young and too much in a haze to realise. Then time passed and you've grown apart.
I don't know what you want us readers to say. I'm lost for words myself, though I understand the situation well.
Do you think counseling could help ? If so, do not hesitate and organise a visit to your mental health centre for as soon as the lockdown is over. You don't write about abuse, cheating or manipulation, so maybe everything will work out ?
Good luck and be strong.

I dont think you're bad at all. You set up young and now you want a change. Sounds like he does too? In a year itll all settle down and you may even remain friends with him and his family.

Get the fresh air love x you're not wrong x

Thank you pokske. No abuse, cheating or manipulation whatsoever, he is a great guy. That’s by its so tricky.

Have you tried talking to him about how you are both feeling? That would be a good start

Don't feel guilty or bad. It's what happens sometimes, you either grow together or grow apart.
As you say you were very young at 22 what do you know other than just starting out in life. One thing I've learnt is life is to short and precious to persue a relationship that's not happy or right for you. Don't just whittle your time being unhappy call it a day. The grass is green where ever you go.

We’ve spoken lots - we have good patches and bad. The crux of it though is that we’re different people and I’ve known that for a while but ignored it because I’m scared as pathetic as it sounds I don’t want to hurt him, I know he deserves better.

Glad you've spoken, it's a good thing, please consider marriage counselling, it's not always just about staying together. It may be a place to open up and be honest and work out a plan of the future together, how to co-parent and you both being happier, you both being happy is best for your son.

You were 22 and clung to the kind life raft that was offered. Not many people are the same person they are at 22, when they've lived a bit more and are older. The 20's are a huge growing spectrum. People change.

Unfortunately you two have grown apart. That doesn't reflect on either of you or his family, but you do need to acknowledge it as a couple and work towards doing something about it.

How does your dh feel?