Relationship breakdown in lockdown

[JustBeingMoi]

So just that. Who else is stuck in lockdown, only to find their relationship is over? How are you coping with this. How are you managing it?

My 13 year relationship and 4 year marriage has been on the rocks for some time. We were trying work through it, but I have come to the conclusion things will never change.

Me. The relationship has been bad for years and I've realised that I just don't want to try anymore because too much has happened that I cannot forgive. I want to leave but I need a job. Have been a sahm and was long term sick. Finally getting back on my feet and then this Coronavirus happened and I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever get out. My mental health is suffering.

@AllTheDs
Hi! In what way has it been bad? It's horrible being stuck in a situation that you can't get out of but yet so desperately need to, isn't it.

He has a bad temper and previously has broken some of my belongings in a rage, and sworn at me and shouted a lot - those last two might not seem like massive issues, but it's not very nice to live with. Breaking my stuff has only happened twice in 12 years but again not very nice. Sometimes his language has been really horrible and he's sworn at me in front of our child.

Last week we had a conversation and I told him I think that he has anger issues. He was quite upset by it. I almost wish I hadn't said anything because now he's making an effort but it isn't making my feelings change, so I'm feeling guilty for wanting to go.

There's been other things, but most of them happened years ago. Things like being jealous, not wanting me to go out etc. I don't know if he would still behave the same way over those kind of things as I lost touch with my friends back then.

@AllTheDs
That sounds awful. I really feel for you. My DH has anger problems too but he would never admit that it was his fault. He'll always say its because of someone else, mainly me. I don't think he's ever said sorry to me for anything he goes from being nice to being a complete arsehole in seconds so i have to put up with the nice/nasty cycle all the bloody time. If we argue about anything he'll bring my family into it because he doesn't like them very much (they've never done anything remotely nasty to him, always supported both of us) he thinks he's right about everything, has a massive chip on his shoulder when it comes to people with money (my parents are comfortable money wise so that's probably why he hates them) never listens to me but i have to listen to him all the time, has shouted at me in front of the kids, has questioned my abilities as a mum all because i didn't listen to him and did what i thought was best (ds was crying during sleep training and i was getting upset so decided i wanted to pick him up to comfort him, he then told me he thought i was the worst mother on the world for doing that as that in his words was "the sleep training fucked". I could go on. He has nice ways but his shitty ways outweigh them unfortunately. Trying to keep up a physical relationship with such a shit of a man is hard work as i resent him so much so don't want him anywhere near me.
Your husband sounds like mine, definitely. Not sure which one is worse! We both need to leave by the sounds of it but i just worry for the kids. Sending hugs to you @AllTheDs

Oh yes the nice nasty cycle! From nastiness to over the top cheerfulness & "what's wrong with you?" when I'm feeling flat and bemused