I just need to tell someone. I met the man I live with and father of my child at 19. I am now 46. He has been abusive for all that time. Initially some physical abuse before dd born. After her birth emotional and financial abuse. Distanced me from family , little eye contact and constant belittling. Aggressive demands around sex. He's 10 years older. Kept making plans to leave and finally ready when dd left school. Then he got very very ill. I stayed to my eternal regret to look after him. I was worried about what people would think about me leaving an I'll man. 5 years on I have found out I am very ill and don't have long. My family and his don't know how abusive he has been and I just need to tell someone how sad and regretful I am that I was unable to leave. ( I did once but he harassed me til I went back). I have never been loved like I deserved to be loved. I have some friends who love me despite him trying to shut them down. But I feel like my life has been totally wasted. Anytime I raised concern or tried to go he would laugh at my unhappiness. I was a bright girl . I just needed someone to know , even strangers, that he has been monstrous and has crushed me. I always thought I would leave but now it is too late and I can't bear the thought that people will feel sorry for him or he will pretend that he cares what has happened. I'm sorry this is so heavy. I just needed someone to know. Please if you are unhappy just leave. Don't end up distraught and regretful like me.