I feel like a failure at the moment.

[Fightingback16]

I just can’t seem to shake this horrible feeling lately that I’m a bit of a failure. I came out of a 11 year abusive marriage last year which completely knocked me mentally. It was the best thing I could do (absolutely had no choice, it was killing me) Now I find myself in limbo. The family home he is in, that’s going to have to go through the court as he won’t leave. I share a room with my 4 year old. It’s nice but we really need our own space. I look at social media and everyone is having fun at home. I’m not in my own home, most of my things are there but he has put an alarm system on it so can’t get in, not that I have anywhere to put my stuff. Most of our things are just in bags in a cupboard where I am.

This was supposed to be temporary but it’s been a year and I’m so fed up now.

I feel like he is holding my future hostage by not letting me either go home with Dd or have my money to move somewhere else. I want better for dd, she needs stability and I just want to move on from him. He ruined my life so far and I want to be free of him and happy somewhere, he is such a dark toxin person.

Anyway so I just feel like a failure at the moment, not really achieving anything.

Stay away from SM.

I'm not in the same situation, but I came out of a LTR last year. Nothing like ending up in A&E to tell you it's over.

I feel like there's a cloud hanging over me from the moment I wake up. I have no good memories from that time because there were so much BS and lies. I failed to set boundaries and let someone gaslight me, cheat on me and beat me up.

Are we failures? No. We got out.

Your daughter has stability from you. You will be happy one day.
Do your best to get through each day. He has not ruined your life, he has ruined part of it. Are you getting advice on sorting out the legal and financial side of it?

Good luck, OP. Big Hug.

Yeah I am getting advice but it’s so slow. I left it late getting the ball rolling as I had a breakdown so had to put my energy into my mental health. He also had no contact with dd. I think this lockdown and being on furlough is getting me down again.

You've achieved a lot: you got yourself out of an abusive marriage, you're looking after your dc, you're getting your life on track. It's going slower than you'd like, but you will get there. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It does amplify feelings. You'll get through it Fightingback16, and you have your lovely DD. You have your life ahead of you. The lockdown will be over before long. Keep looking after your MH. It will get better.

Sorry, I meant things will get better. You sound mentally sound.

I know I got myself out of a massive trap and I am glad I’m not with him and I know my daughter is safe. I still feel like I’m just surviving though, he is still holding me back. I don’t want to be part of his life and his games anymore.

I really feel for you OP you are going through a difficult time and this pandemic is probably Making you feel a whole lot worse.
Leaving an abusive relationship is a brave thing to do and though you are in a transition period now there is a better time for you in the not too distant future xxx

OP I've just been there, sharing a room with my 8 year old son, we left my ex with just the bare essentials! If you search my name you will see what we went through and the rollercoaster it has been!

One thing that helped us was to focus on the first night in our new home, relaxed and free and to keep that image in our minds.

Sharing a room with a child is really hard, all I can say is try not to dwell on it, it is only temporary and you're doing it to better your lives for the future!

I understand the feelings of being a failure, I battle them too, but we're not, we are out and free and just repairing what has been broken, we have to allow ourselves time to do this.

Good luck OP

Oh I can’t wait to have my own place

I’m just wondering if the antibiotics I’ve been on the last week have made me feel down. I was doing ok before them.

Can you ask the police on 111 if they would escort you to go get your things for your daughter and yourself? I'm sure I've read on here before that someone has done that. But with it being a year they might see the urgency.

I’ve got my essentials but I have so much, like all my Masters arkwork etc. I just get worked up when I think of him in the house I renovated myself with no help from him. Over the year he has destroyed all my wallpapers and the appliances. It makes me sad. He is just one person in a 3 bed and me and dd sharing a room. It just sucks sometimes but it really does show me what kind of man he is. Selfish twat!