I’ve posted about my in-law problems on here before and received good advice. I’ve NC because I really don’t want anyone in real life seeing this!
I’ve been with DH for more than 10 years but when we had our DC 18 months ago MIL became unpleasant. Some examples to avoid a later drip feed - ignored me through pregnancy. When friends of hers would talk excitedly about the baby she would change the subject. When baby was born she was intense. I felt intimidated so didn’t challenge it, but she’d take baby into other rooms or into the corner of the room I was in with her back turned to me. She would say she’d come to visit and cook us tea for a treat. The meal never happened and DH eventually went out to the shops so he could cook everyone a meal (baby a month old - I was shattered). Not a big deal at all, but just strange. She just never showed an ounce of interest in how me or DH we’re doing, just wanted to intensely be with DC. DH had a really stressful call with her when she was inviting herself and a friend to visit. He explained that we’d look at our calendar and she was demanding that she should be able to see her grandchild without obstacles etc. Days later she sent me a very arsey text about how they prioritise family. It later transpired that she had sent the text to my DH to ‘proof read’ before sending it to me. That was the lightbulb moment when I realised I had a DH problem. Luckily he had also realised by this point that he had a DM problem, and since that point we’ve been on the same page.
There’s been many more little incidents, and unfortunately it is the kind of relationship which sounds petty unless you get an idea of the many little things she’s done. We went away with them last summer and it was absolutely awful. Long story short - there was a huge screaming match between DH, his DM and aunty about how overbearing they are and that babies aren’t just toys for their pleasure. His mum was saying things like ‘you’ve changed. Who is telling you things like this? We’re not like this in our family’. And I was sat outside the house listening, knowing full well she was insinuating that I manipulate him.
Since that holiday I haven’t seen his parents at all. They’ve come to visit a handful of times to see DC. They often bring gifts for me and I think this is an attempt to make peace. I feel really anxious about seeing them (mainly his mum) and I just don’t know how to take her.
We’re very happily having another baby and it’s approaching the point where DH would like to tell them. Obviously with lockdown all communication would be over video calls. Should I toughen up and be on the call when he tells them? Is it completely weird not to? Inevitably I’ll have to see them when the baby arrives, so should I start easing back into it?