Some years ago I got approached by a man, and we hit it off immediately. It's one of those strange scenarios where two people that have just met are instantly deeply connected. We very quickly feel deeply for each other, and we learned that we have a very unique and incredible sexual chemistry. It was a very strange relationship, though, because I was definitely emotionally invested on one hand, but on the other hand I didn't want to be in a relationship with anybody (I'm scared of getting hurt, so I avoid relationships). After a few years of him trying to get me to commit to him, to no avail, he became more and more emotionally distant with me, and just focused on our sexual relationship entirely. I mostly didn't mind that, but I did eventually start feeling like a piece of meat to him. I still didn't want a relationship, but I started craving assurance that he cares about me aside from the sex. I didn't get that assurance. He told me he couldn't be as emotional with me as I wanted him to be, because he's hurting. He said it was too hard for him to get rejected (relationshipwise), so he felt a need to take his emotions out of the equation. I didn't argue with it, because I totally understood where he was coming from...but the lack of emotional intimacy meant we slowly drifted apart. We have had sporadic contact for 1.5 years, but up until yesterday, I hadn't talked to him since he wished me a happy birthday in the summer of 2019.
I received a message from him yesterday, out of the blue. It wasn't a big deal, and there was no animosity between us. I just wasn't sure what he was contacting me for, at first. He soon told me he needed to give me the "raw truth" - which is basically that he wants to pick up on our sexual relationship again. He understands that I can't give him what he wants (a relationship), but he's prepared to accept things on my terms.
Here's the thing, though: A friend of mine told me last year that he has a girlfriend. I kept waiting for him to tell me about her yesterday. I even asked him multiple times, in different ways, if he's with someone. He just avoided my question. I eventually asked him directly, and he told me he cares deeply for me, feels protective of me and didn't want to upset me by answering my questions about his relationship status. He also said he didn't answer my questions, because he still wants to be with me, and doesn't want to ruin any potential chances by giving me a straight answer. I told him I wasn't going to get upset at all, so he confirmed he is with someone. When I told him I'm really happy for him, he responded "well, I'm not. She's not you. If you told me right now that you want me, she'd be gone" - and then started making propositions and advances (both for a relationship and sex).
Don't worry, I would never dream of being a complicit in cheating so I'm ignoring his advances. But I'd lie if I said I'm not falling for him all over again. He finally gave me the assurance that I needed (that he cares about me), and our sexual chemistry is indeed out of this world. But I neither want to take part in cheating, nor do I want him to leave his girlfriend when I can't take her place (as his new girlfriend).
What do I do? Should I just ask him to leave me alone? Maybe block him? Should I try to get over my commitment fears and finally give him a chance? I really don't know...