Is it wrong to cut off ties with family?

[carrotcake12345]

Hi, I am going to jump straight to the point. I spent my early years very close to my mothers side, up until the age of 6 or so. Then they abandoned us, and we were out of the equation. This always hurt me a lot and caused me a lot of grief in my teenage years. Then I largely spent the rest of my childhood and adolescent and young adult years close to my dads side instead. They now try to make the effort; seeing us, helping out, having nice conversations, just being family really. And I do really like them, and I still yearn for them. But a part of me is still hurt by how they abandoned me. I was only a child, their sisters daughter, I was very alone at times throughout my childhood, and they all had each other but I didn't really have anyone. Now that I'm older, stable, and grown up - and don't particularly need them (although I know it's always better to have good and healthy relations with blood, you never know when you need them) - they appear now. Where were they when I needed them? Shall I just cut off ties with them completely, considering they have already hurt me once?

I don't know - I'd love to know anyone's advice or even opinion or anything at all!

I speak to 6 people in my family of around 50.

Blood relation or not, I will not allow myself to associate with people who bring negative energy to my life.

I have completely cut off friends and family for various reasons and honestly, I am so much happier now. I have my small group of friends and family who I know will be there for me, and always have my back no matter what. It is quality over quantity. Life is too short to forgive people for their toxic traits and let yourself absorb their negative energy.

Depends entirely on why they cut you off. There was likely a lot going on that you didn't understand, because you were 6. Have you ever had the discussion?

Also, rather than treating the family as a whole, why not take it on a case to case basis as individuals?

@Fuckerdoodle that is fair enough. but they themselves dont bring negative energy, as i said i do enjoy spending time with them, that's what makes the situation difficult

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow it wasn't just me they cut off, it was my whole immediate family. The reason wasn't explicit, it was more just gradually getting more distant until they seem like strangers to me now.

And yes, that is a very good point! They are all individuals after all

Why don't you just ask what happened? Something similar went on in my family and I had a lot of resentment for ages, turns out the people who had 'abandoned' me were the ones who had been wronged and went LC for their own wellbeing. Just have a conversation about it, you're all adults now.

Best thing I did was go no contact with my family, for 28 years I had nothing but grief but I was pregnant with my 3rd child and my mum walked out my house because I was daring to disagree with the narcissist I have never tried to contact then also have moved house. Best thing I have ever done. I do feel sad sometimes but I think I'm craving what I never had. Just make the most of my babies

@SomeoneElseEntirelyNow wow, you have changed my perspective on this. I guess I could talk about it with them when the opportunity arises, i really do wonder the reasons.

Honestly OP, you are expecting far too much from extended members of the family. If you like them just forget about the past and rebuild the relationship, they don’t owe you anything, unlike immediate family, they do not have any obligations towards you.

@Dotty02 That is great! As long as you're happy! Lucky you've got babies xx

@TheMotherofAllDilemmas hmm I agree with you, I should just forget and rebuild. Although I disagree with the second point, my family is full Italian and we have different cultural expectations when it comes to family

I have a mediterranean family as well, if we didn’t do so much “forgive and forget” we would have killed each other ten times.

Yep, I dont speak to my mum dad and two brothers...I would say my life is better without as when I saw them I would not like what they did ect with my children, but I think I was just stuck onto my childhood....bit deep but I dunno that life I suppose. I hope u are ok and work out what's best for u x

Carrot.....
I want to remember that blood does not make a family.
If you choose to have contact,well honestly that is on you,especially if/when they hurt you again.

BUT,I HOPE FOR YOUR SAKE THEY DON'T EVER HURT YOU AGAIN!

My husband chose to cut his entire family off/out of our lives almost 18 years ago.(We've been married 21.5 years)
There were so many reasons,but the most important was to protect our child,who was only 2 at the time.

I can't reveal details....but making that choice protected our child and subsequent children.

Again,blood does NOT make a family!

I think you will always feel like the outsider with them and they probably don't see you as one of them. That doesn't mean you have to cut them off but I don't think you will ever have the relationship you want with them and contact will always bring up those feelings of resentment.