How long would you wait?

[Smile101]

I (25F) have been with my BF (27M) for 5 years and we are really happy, we talk often about the future and are excited at the prospect of being married.

BF has an older brother(29)with a GF(33)who have been together for 10 years. The GF was v upset when her younger sister got married last year and has been very unsubtle hinting that she wants to get married. For a couple of years now we have been sort of expecting them to be engaged soon but it has never happened.

I know there would be some resentment if we were to be engaged before they were and I wouldn’t want that to overshadow anything or spoil any relationships. I know there’s no rush but we would like to get engaged at some point in the next couple of years so we can progress with our relationship and our life. For the sake of family harmony how long would you wait for the older couple to get engaged first? Would it ever be appropriate to tell them we are thinking of getting engaged soon to give them a chance to go first or is that just unfair pressure on BFs brother?

You are really thoughtful but you should not put your own lives hold.

It may be that the brother has no interest in getting married and is just plodding on until his gf leaves. I mean, how many hints has she subtlety dropped?

Live your life. Imay make the gf leave and be with someone that 2wants what she does.

Absolutely agree with PP.

Do not arrange your life around others, live yours lives.

Your BF might want to have a chat with his DB, on the quiet, just to see where his head is at, but you 2 should go ahead with your plans regardless.

Waiting for something that may never happen is simply ridiculous. What you choose to do is none of their concern, and you are not responsible for her feeling on the matter. Live your life, she can live hers.

It's not your fault her partner doesn't want to marry her.

Don't put your life on hold for something that might not happen

Your bloke might want to forewarn his brother before doing a family announcement, but you shouldn't hold off on their timetable. Who knows if the brother ever has any intention of marrying his partner?

I would wait zero (0) minutes.

Honest advice for you, from a person who at your age would have fretted a bit about the same thing: take some time to examine why you would try to please others to the extent that you'd put your own life on hold.

The big brother may never get married!
You’re being kind considering their feelings but don’t bother with their dramas just go get engaged now if you are sure about each other. Why wait. Life’s too short. Start looking at rings

Online obv as jewellers are shut, with a view to trying on your preferred styles after lockdown.

They wouldn’t be a factor in my relationship.

I think you are being v considerate but its your life you must do your own thing.

I would do what you want. Their relationship isn’t your concern. Don’t put your life on hold! They wouldn’t do the same for you. It’s a shame for the GF but maybe she needs to leave him if she’s not getting what she wants/needs out of life

My brother and his partner have been together for about 15 years - they live together but are not engaged and don't want children.

I was engaged to my fiancé after a year of meeting him and I'm currently 37 weeks' pregnant. We were going to get married this year but it will have to wait now of course for a good couple of years.

We are all different so don't worry about what other fanily members are doing, just go with what works for you.

(Marriage not happening due to pandemic, not because I'm preggers!)

Agree with everyone, go for it on your own timeline without worrying about them.

First thing that came to my mind though, is it your bf that is claiming to be worries about this? If so sounds like he's doing the exact same thing as his bro and getting his excuses in early! "Oh babe, I sooo wish we could get married but you know, my brother..."

Reminds me of all the blokes back in the day who vowed they would never get married until marriage equality came in....sounds so moral you couldn't argue... but secretly they were thinking/hoping it never would. Boy were they bricking it when it did come in!

You may well be doing your partner's brother and his girlfriend a favour, in that you getting engaged might be the catalyst in helping them actually come to a decision about their future - whether that's marriage or splitting up. It seems a lot better than plodding along whilst the girlfriend's resentment continues building every day.

They may never marry op - cohabiting really is not something unusual now.

Another vote for doing your own thing.