To get over my ex?
We were together almost 7 years and I loved him dearly. He was pretty much the only decent boyfriend I had had up to that point (previously in abusive relationships).
I was always happy and content, didn't think there were any major issues. But 4 years in he first tried to leave. He changed his mind. Now I realise I should have worked harder to find out what was wrong and why he had wanted to leave (he didn't really say, so I guess we did have communication issues) so that I could have worked to improve things. I was in the dark for the rest of it I suppose.
Then 2.5 years later just when we were going to buy a house together he left for the last time. Again didn't tell me why although he felt he might be depressed. I tried to support him with that after he left for a while, messaging etc, but realised it was too hard for me and that I wasn't sure if he was just using it as a weird excuse for leaving so ultimately we cut contact.
It's so hard to go from being with someone for that long, living with them, to never seeing them again. It's so bizarre.
I have reflected and realise that my past with various abuse from men has caused me to develop issues with them, that I probably had too much of a temper with him, and occasionally I was jealous. So I now know perhaps some of the reasons why he went but had to figure it out for myself, and I never got closure.
Yes perhaps he had communication issues and our relationship was immature in some ways but otherwise, he was a very good guy.
When he went my life totally changed. He actually left when I myself had just been diagnosed with depression and I was being bullied at work. He left me to deal with that stuff all alone. I lost a lot of mutual friends, as they were his first, and I felt I had to cut contact with them to get over him. I had to move to get away from the house of memories. I had to pull out of the house we were buying and deal with all of that alone. Shortly after I had to leave the job where I was being bullied. I had very few friends left. My life changed totally overnight and it has also taken me a long time to get over/used to that. I do miss my old life with him, the friends, etc, the things we did together. I do have a new boyfriend now who I care for a lot but he is not my normal type, perhaps a good thing, and life is very different.
It has been two years and I am not over it. I am not over how my life suddenly changed. I miss him a lot despite having been in a new relationship for a while. I don't think I will have the ability to ever love like that again. I still dream/have nightmares about him regularly.
He has been in a new relationship himself for about a year with somebody who clearly seems perfect. Also younger (he was 35 and her 23 when they met). Trying not to judge on that score as my own new boyfriend is older than me yet, him now being in a serious relationship with someone still pretty young does feel crap.
I also feel I helped make him the man he is...helped him get the good job he has now with my contacts, encouraged him to quit smoking, learn to cook, ask for a pay rise, etc. Booked all our cool holidays (he then used photos I took of him during them on his online dating profiles after we split, don't know why but it hurt). Now this young woman is benefiting from all that.
I know I let myself go in the relationship. Well since he left I have lost so much weight that I am now underweight. I do feel that (alhough I am underweight now) I have been more attractive over the past two years. Changed hair, got slimmer, nice clothes. Well he missed out on that didn't he.
I don't know, I have just woken from another nightmare and it has been 2 years already and I just wanted some kind words.
Of course, he hasn't been in contact during the crisis either. Why would he. He clearly just forgot about me pretty quickly and no longer cares about me or the fact I am no longer in his life.
Thanks all.