Honestly, I can be a bit of a nag at times, not just with partners. It’s something I’ve worked on a lot over the years and am much better than I used to be.
I’m a very fast learner and practical tasks come very easily to me, and I instinctively feel impatience when other people are slower or don’t “get it”. I used to not realise that it takes some people longer and I would steam ahead with a project or whatever, leaving people lost or disinterested. I just found it quicker and easier to do it all myself, then get annoyed and burn out because I was doing all the work. This was obviously a problem at work as well as at home.
I’m much, much more patient than I was, and have learned to modify my tone so that I help and instruct rather than nag. I tell myself off if I slip up and get impatient, and it’s hard work for me.
It feels a bit like Jo in Little Women learning to control her temper.
BONUS - working collaboratively at a collective pace is way better than steaming ahead with my own ideas and produces better results. Who could have guessed?!
I’ve also learned that the little ways I like things done are my problem, not my partner’s (e.g. when he dusts he puts everything back in slightly the “wrong” place, but the idea that there’s a “right” place is entirely in my head, so I squash the annoyance as I move everything an inch to the left).