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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SM obsession

34 replies

Instabook · 07/05/2020 15:58

I've name changed for this, regular poster (although not obsessed Grin)

I am still in the early stages of relationship but my DP seems to be obsessed with social media and it really grates on me.
I am not exaggerating when I say he is online on Facebook most days for around 15 of the 18 hours he is awake & if it isn’t Facebook it’s bloody Instagram.

The first thing he does when he wakes up is checks Facebook, then Instagram.
Adverts of TV programmes, between episodes of Netflix, on the toilet, waiting for the bath to run, all day whilst at work. You name it, he is on it but he will put he phone away if we are out for dinner / cinema / dates etc.

I have Facebook and Instagram myself but mainly go on there is I get a message / tagged etc, I do not spend my life on there.
I started to notice that when I went on messenger, he was online every time (can see who is active along the top).

He very rarely posts anything on there so I don’t really understand what there is to see on there all day? Maybe I’m just past the times?(35)

I have suggested to him that he is on there all day and he admits he is on there a lot he’s just bored so looking through and on messenger and in group chats.
Apparently - his words - social media is a big part of his life and I am going to have to get use to it as that won’t be changing.

So I suppose my question is, is this normal behaviour for a 30 year old male, am I getting irritated for no reason?

OP posts:
Instabook · 07/05/2020 22:30

@Gutterton yes, correct.
We will see each other one night and a weekend and he will be down the pub the other and then I won't hear from him till midday the next day!

I have 1 DD10. He doesn't have any DC.

OP posts:
Instabook · 07/05/2020 22:31

Sorry, I meant we will see each other one night at the weekend, he will be at the pub the other.
We then see each other twice in the week.

OP posts:
ShambalaHambala · 07/05/2020 22:35

15 hours! I think I would feel unwell if I spent that much time on my phone!

Skyla2005 · 07/05/2020 22:44

Honestly that’s really sad. He needs to get a life in the real world not looking at everyone else’s

BackseatCookers · 08/05/2020 01:13

You don't sound that into him, why are you still dating? I get the sense he isn't great but also isn't bad 'enough' for you to think oh fuck this and end it. You deserve to be with someone you get on with super well and have a laugh with. Life's complicated enough without having such different outlooks in something like social media and each of your perspectives on it annoying the other one and causing bad feeling. Onwards and upwards and back into the sea for him!

MashedSpud · 08/05/2020 01:23

He would be out of my life.

An hour of mindless scrolling, fair enough but 15 hours? Also his attitude stinks, he talks to you like crap and the pub thing would put me off too.

Gutterton · 08/05/2020 11:38

This is my first relationship since I came out of a 10 year one, 3 years ago, where social media was rarely used, so I didn't know if I'm just nit-picking, hence I asked the question also.

No you are not nit picking. You are paying attention to what are baseline behaviours in a relationship. It doesn’t sound like you are cherished and inspired in this RS. You want much better than this.

You are not heard, you are not his priority and he is ignorant and rude to you. It’s not about the SM - the whole thing looks v unsatisfactory.

This is your first RS after a 10 year LTR - it’s not up to scratch, he doesn’t deserve you - move on and look for your second RS.

NoMoreDickheads · 08/05/2020 12:53

If he's not spending as much time with you as you would like when we're not in lockdown, have you said so to him? If you're not happy with the amount of time/energy invested and he's not prepared to change it, then he's not the one for you.

MaeveDidIt · 08/05/2020 18:16

Just don't do it - his relationship is with his phone and not you.
What a saddo.
If you continue, this will be sole destroying for you.

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