How do you move on from a relationship without becoming bitter?

[Yolo2020]

Just that really. I think I’m at severe risk of feeling more than just jaded but quite bitter and fed up of it all. Ive known for a long time that I have just lost any genuine passion for most things I used to enjoy But I realised today that there isn’t anyone in the world I even love anymore.

I’m not very close to my family and although I’d be upset if they died I don’t love them love them. I don’t really love even myself I don’t think as I just don’t really enjoy my life. I can’t really talk to my friends about this as one I don’t want them to worry and two I feel like it’s a bit offensive to say to them there’s no one in the world I really love. Although I do love my friends and they make my life better I don’t really choose to live for them if you see what I mean.

I’ve just realised this all today I guess.

Have you thought about seeing your GP? You may be depressed? You might find medication/counselling beneficial.

Ive been having psychotherapy for 8 months. I think I am depressed but I think that’s just how it is really sadly.

It is OK to be bitter for a while. That is part of the stages of grief isn't it? It'll probably pass and become acceptance or ambivalence at some point. It can be funny running onto exes years later when all the feeling has gone. I've not yet bumped in to an ex and wanted to jump on them!

I tried really hard to change my thinking as it came up. E.g. if I thought of the relationship "failing", I'd consciously tell myself "nope, it didn't fail, it just came to a natural end, it's best for everyone, setting each other free to be happier," etc. Not always successful but it probably helped. Generally tried to take a slant of "how can I change my thoughts so that I'm at least grateful for the good bits".

It's hard though. I'm still bitter sometimes, I think that's OK, you just can't let it overwhelm you because then you miss out on the happiness you could have instead.

Thank you. I know logically that is true. I think I’ve just had almost a decade of awful things happening and having all my confidence and optimism eroded that I just can’t see how that won’t have left some indelible mark.

I feel like I’m never going to go back to the natural cheerfulness I had

Change the narrative. Everything shite has made you stronger. Every mistake has been an opportunity to learn.

Psychotherapy might be causing you to dwell rather than to integrate. It's not got a clinical basis for relieving depression etc.

It sounds corny but run a litany of everything good in your life. E.g. the sun came out today. I have enough food to eat. I have eyes that work. I live in a country where women can own property.

It ain't over til it's over OP. You have value.

Oh thank you. Today I felt that I was worthless. But you’re right. I will make a list. I still have some resilience in me even if there’s not much joy.

I feel like I’m never going to go back to the natural cheerfulness I had

I doubt you will Yolo. I used to be so idealistic, so "pure" and now I am much more prone to despair and sorrow, as well as gratitude and joy. But a decade of hard knocks does change that - as it should.

We darken and curl up around the edges as we go through this life. It's all a bit Velveteen Rabbit I think.

That’s very apt rvby! Yes I suppose it is very velveteen rabbit.

I think I’ve become a bit addicted to wallowing (with good reason) but I definitely do feel an inner sadness inside me that I think will never go but I think that is what makes you real maybe.

I always remember one of my friends telling me on her 30th that she was so sad to leave her 20s behind as they had been so brilliant and she hoped her 30s would live up to them - and I was very happy for her but I realised that that was just not true for me, and that it had been such an unbearably sad decade and I had not much hope for the next. I do seem to have a lot of friends who seem genuinely happy and even though some things have happened they’ve generally had lovely lives. I don’t really envy them as it would be pointless if we were all miserable but I guess maybe my experience is more the norm maybe.

I hear you op. I too have had a least a decade of hard knocks, if not longer, plus a very difficult childhood.
Things came to a head (again) last year and I'm still dealing with the aftermath now alongside all the challenges of daily single parent life . Everything is too much for me and over whelming. I'm middle aged and very much alone