Please stop me from ruining a great relationship

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi all
DP & I don't live together, it's been a massive challenge in lockdown. I comfort eat, stress eat etc. Hes a runner & insanely fit. Ive gained significant weight in lockdown 6kg, hes lost & keeps talking about how well his running is going etc. i feel like utter shit. Im trying to do something about it, ordered a fitbit, watching my diet etc however i keep pushing him away, im dreading seeing him again. I don't feel good enough for him anymore. He tells me he loves me & i feel the same, lockdown massively set our relationship back (were living apart together). Im thinking about ending it so he can find someone better. I worry we will look like jack sprat & his wife.
Can anyone relate? Anyone have any wisdom? Or plain straight talking? Help please

Hello, firstly don't be hard on yourself ... so you've gained a bit of weight, it can be lost and you're already starting, so that's a massive positive.

It seems that you have low self esteem. If your man says he loves you - BELIEVE HIM!!! I spent 2 1/2 years disbelieving my boyfriend, pushing him away, saying I wasn't good enough, too ugly, tits too small, legs too wobbly ... I had even suggested he found someone else to be with and have an open relationship.. and when he sext someone even though I pushed him, I was devastated.

In the end, he did dump me, couldn't put up with my negative shit anymore ...

I'm sure your fella is big enough to decide if you're 'good enough' or not... he doesn't need you to make his decisions for him... don't make the same mistake as me...

Lockdown hasn't been kind for a lot of us xxx

Is this insecurity all weight related ? Did you feel “good enough” when you were 6kg lighter ? Surely 6kg can’t make or break whether you are good enough for someone. Your insecurity must stem from more, what makes you special ? Do you think you are talented at anything ? What pursuits do you enjoy ?

Please take a big deep breath and relax for a minute. Dont not end your relationship on an assumption. So what, that's not a lot. Who cares. If he's into you it wont matter to him at all.

We are all going through a stressful time, give yourself a break.

Please work on your self esteem, let loose low self esteem can ruin your relationship with yourself as well.as everyone else.

Find another way to relax, meditate, go for a walk, read a book.

Also, try yoga. It's the only exercise I have ever lost weight through..and it makes you really strong so you feel great.

A yoga with Adrienne subscription is less then 10 pound a month. It has been a life saver for me.

Relax please.

Are you worrying that your chap will no longer love you (you haven't said anything to indicate that this is true) as a sort of displacement worry because really - at some level - you're worried about the health impact of the weight gain but you feel trapped and powerless and like it's out of your control?

How about assuming he's telling the truth when he says he loves you (as long as he acts that way too) and have a think about what's behind the eating so that you feel you understand it more, and feel a bit more in control?
Is there just a lot going on in your life and you have little energy left to plan changes to what you eat and do?

That's a pretty common scenario. (My weight loss class was full of large ladies who were working 2 1/2 jobs and caring for both the young and the old and basically in the sort of situation where they had to do what it took to keep going and most people in their situation would either have cracked or eaten AT LEAST as much!).

Have a think and see if there is one thing about your life you could sort out. One. Little. Thing. Then get it sorted. Once you have the confidence that you can achieve things, stuff seems a lot brighter...

And if right now you're just stuck - perhaps just accept it. When my Mum was dying the last couple of years I ate just whatever and put on weight but really there wasn't much of an alternative in that situation - it was what it was.

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yes he absolutely loves me, I have no doubt about that, I never have.
I have low self esteem at the best of times but think the current situation has just made everything worse, i'm definitely struggling more with my mental health in general.
I do have a lot going on, we are both nhs, hes working in itu.
Ive always been bigger than he is, but this extra feels loads im now 20kg heavier than him, which just disgusts me.
I have a lot of work to do.

Could you ask him for help? He’s seems into fitness/exercise and could possibly give you some tips, as he would have started off as a beginner at one point. Everyone is stressed to some degree during lockdown, don’t be too hard on yourself about putting on weight.