So, this is my first post about this issue and may be a long one. I apologise in advance for that. It has recently come to my attention that I have a toxic family. Especially my mother. A minute and a half phone call today shattered my good mood into pieces. My 3 year old has had an upset tummy for a few days showing in his nappies so when I called asking if we would visit tomorrow, she heard him in the bath. When I explained why, I was told he shouldn't be in the bath, he should be outside because it is a nice day and also it will be because I am obviously feeding him s**t food (freezer food-which by the way I was raised on predominantly and my son gets a mix of home cooked meals and freezer food). Something like this happens everytime we speak, I get constant criticism no matter how hard I try. My sons father and I have had a rough time of it, with many issues between ourselves and if I'm honest my family contributed to a lot of our fights too. Whenever we decide to make another go of it, I get a torrent of abuse and criticism even being called a terrible mother putting my son through all this messing around. Granted I don't agree with the way a lot of it has been handled but my son adores having his family together. I am dreading the conversation of letting them know my sons dad and I are speaking again because it won't conform to what they want. They will constantly ask "why are you doing this to us?" and I say its not about you but it never changes anything. My sister also has these tendencies but she will go from being my best friend and we talk about everything including how my parents do the same to her, but then she will turn and attack me or tell my parents what I have said with no warning and it will all blow up. I feel like as much as I love my son and would never wish him away...ever! He has become the worst thing I could have done for mine and my families relationships. They demand about him all the time, when they will see him or what clubs or events he does or what I should be doing with him and if I disagree with any of it they make my life miserable until I give in. They also have this insane obsession with what they can have more than his fathers side of the family. They have commanded every Christmas at their house and my sons birthday is coming up and a family member asked what we would be doing for it with the lockdown and my mum without even asking me said there would be a party at her house. They try and discount my sons dads family constantly and refuse to even listen to any points i make about anything. I am constantly put down by them and I genuinely feel like i cant make a decision without their approval because the backlash will simply not be worth having my own voice. Also, my mother especially is fixated on my sister, anything she does wrong is likely somehow my fault and she will ring her every day to check in and see how she is but will only speak to me to get through to my son. I lost my best friend a couple of weeks ago and not one member of my family has bothered to check in and see how I am coping. I have barely seen or heard from them other than to get constant grief.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? What do I do?
Just as a last note they are not bad parents, they do a lot of wonderful things and financially have always been there, and will always give advice. It just changes every so often to this unbelievably painful experience usually when I choose to do something they don't agree with, such as give my little family another chance or put feelers out for a career they don't agree with or disagree with them on a matter about my son or say anything at all that could be taken negatively about my sister.