Partner said hes unsure about us

[Lila226]

Been with my dp for a few years now, we have a dc together. When I asked about having another dc he told me he doesnt want to have another dc with me until he us sure about me.

Im not sure why I'm posting, maybe just to get it off my chest. I now feel like my world has been turned upside down.

i can’t see what he’s done so wrong here to be honest.

he’s been honest with his feelings.

you saying you’re not attractive enough is about how you feel about yourself m, he hasn’t said this is the reason.

He wont leave. I am stuck in this with a man who sees no future with me because its more beneficial for him to be here.

So you leave... In what way are you stuck?

Jesus. Was DC1 unplanned? As otherwise I'd be checking what on Earth has changed.

I always wondered how he could be with someone like me, im not overly attractive, im pudgy since having dc.
^
wow you are are just hard in yourself, you are brutal. so you had a baby and your body changed, well of course it did! its normal. give yourself a break.

his comment is cruel. he must know how hurtful it was for you. He doesn't sound kind or loving.

Dc1 was unplanned, so thats probably why he has stayed with me, i do realise that.
The fact that i have been upset since this was said and he hasnt tried to comfort me or fix anything, what does that mean?

I don't mean to be harsh, but if he cared about upsetting you he wouldn't have said it.

OP, he is clearly showing you that he doesn’t love you or care about you and is staying purely for convenience.
You have two options. Stay - and have your self esteem steadily eroded, as you desperately jump through hoops trying to make him want you. Or leave - keep your dignity, believe you deserve better, and make a happy life with your child. In the future you may meet a nicer man who will genuinely love you. Between now and then you need to work on your confidence and perhaps consider counselling to find out why you accept such shit treatment and have such low expectations from a relationship.
Good luck, OP. No prizes for guessing which option I’m praying you choose!

He sure was a ray of sunshine.

I'd leave him. He may be part of the reason you feel low about yourself.

I imagine you feeling much better once you've gotten rid of the anchor dragging you down.

He is going to leave you. Do not try the Stepford Wife routine or the Pick Me dance. Build your self respect. Assume you will be alone. Start to detach. Start to get your life in order for living as a single mother. Accept reality and get on with building the future.

I believe he will leave, and he has every right to. He is not wrong for not feeling the same for me. I can't fault him telling but i cant fault him for not telling me sooner.

Pain is temporary, right?

You've said "he won't leave" and "I believe he will leave".
You can't believe both of these things... Why are you passively waiting to see what he chooses to do anyway?

I just mean eventually. Surely he will want to meet someone else and have it all with someone else. Pretending just for a child isnt going to make him happy.

Surely he will want to meet someone else and have it all with someone else.

He might well do but chances are he'll keep you hanging on or use you as a fallback if you let him.

Why are you just accepting this what aren't you angry at any point did he ask you not to have the child. Having a child with someone is commitment and he's committed to having you in his life whatever.

Either tell him to fuck off as you deserve better !!

Or ask him what is wrong who he is feeling this way and fight for him but please don't accept this like you're not part of this.

He may just be feeling left out a lot of men feel this way when you have just had a child they are immature twats and get upset when they aren't the focus or you're life and whilst this isn't acceptable you need to be able to talk this through with him as you may be able to get past it.

Please please don't just accept this from you're hosts you sound like a passer bye in you're life !

I have tried talking. Say we do work it out, how am i ever to believe that its a genuine relationship and that im not wasting more time on someone who will tell me the same again in a few months.

I feel so hurt and used. I feel like i have wasted so much of my time. I felt like we were moving in the same direction. Genuinely i think this has done something inside me, like it has already damaged me. I feel like I've been lied to this whole time. I thought i was bringing my dc up with two parents that loved each other.

What’s your housing situation ? Rented or owned and by who ?

You sound bloody lovely and he sounds spoilt, lazy and entitled.

I'd be telling him that i'd been thinking it over and on reflection youre not sure if what he has to offer is enough for you. Make him decide is he in or is he out - lukewarm is no good. He'll always be your childs father but you could be so much happier and more fulfilled with someone who really loves you. That person exists and you can and will be happy with someone else! You may also find that your self esteem blossoms once away from this negative Charlie.

I feel like i have wasted so much of my time.

Look on the positive side--you got your DC out of it. Your DC can still have loving and involved parents-doesn't mean they have to be together?! I suggest you not waste anymore of your time with this man.

I think if it was me id take great delight in ending it with him...make the decision for him. He doesn't sound like he even likes you that much.
You sound lovely and deserve better.
Take control of the situation yourself.

Hi lovely. Having a child puts a lot of stress on a relationship so it doesn't necessarily mean that he's always felt this way and won't feel differently in the future. He's being honest with his feelings which is good. Means that if in the future he tells you he's certain then you can believe him.

If you love him then it may be worth looking at how you can do some more fun relationship stuff together. But obviously, the effort and willingness has to come from both sides.

You need to find your fire & end this relationship. Your destiny is yours & right now you’re in the passenger seat & he is in the driver side calling all the shots. You sound like you will stay & hang onto the relationship until he decides to end it - that’s giving him too much power over your life. There is no hidden meaning - his actions mean exactly what they look like, he is not deeply invested in the relationship long term & doesn’t love you like you’re meant to live your partner / parent of your child. End it babe, you won’t be living your life in limbo.

You’ve not wasted everything. You personally have tried hard. He hasn’t. Plus you’ve got your lovely child out of it. What you will be wasting is your future if you sit there while a flaky man decides what he wants. He’s had long enough, Tell him to leave. Keep telling him. If not make plans to move out yourself. You deserve so much better and you won’t find it stuck with this guy. (and he might be good looking, but he’s cruel and cold, which isn’t much of a catch).

I’m not sure it’s fair to say he’s cruel and cold, or he hasn’t tried. He clearly has.

Sometimes relationships don’t work out, people fall in and out of love
Sometimes they stay for the wrong reasons, because of a child. It’s right not to have another one if you’re not happy in the relationship. It is right to tell the other person. Not lie and then leave , shocking them, or by having an exit affair.

Op you need to try to discuss it with him. Without emotion as hard as it sounds. To understand what the futur holds here. It’s not the case you need to hang on doing the pick me dance. You have a right to know how he sees this panning out and you have a right to end it and walk away.