Fed up of feeling like I'm always doing it 'wrong'

[Dranktoomuchpepsi]

DH related. I can't really pinpoint it exactly. It confuses me. But basically, I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells but can't work out if I'm just being an idiot here.

It's DH and 'time' related. For example, he isn't keen on having our handful of a toddler on his own. Would rather I took him with me all the time because he prefers 'mummy' (it isn't untrue).

Anyway, if I do something like go to a supermarket, and I say I am going to a supermarket, that should be it. If I don't tell him I'm also going to supermarket AND thz' decide to visit another shop, DH will be sighing and pissy with me about it since I didn't say beforehand that I was going there.

It is much more apparent and worse if he's left with DS. For example, I work on a Saturday sometimes. Usually start at 9 and finished by 3, but it differs. By 1 I always get a text to say 'any chance you know when you're finishing, come straight home please,' If I said 2, finished at 2 and then popped to the shops for something and was back before 3, he wouldn't be happy. He would get the hump and then when questioned, would say 'I told you to come straight home' or 'you said you were finishing early, why not just come straight home?'

Is this normal OR am I the annoying one for often going other places that I haven't mentioned?

I'm torn on this one.

On the one hand your dh sounds controlling with regards to times etc, but if my dh said he'd be back by 5 and didn't roll in until 8 I'd be a bit fed up too.

Can you try managing his expectations a bit. When he text you about you shopping, can you be a bit less specific.

'Yes dh I'm going shopping on my way home, if I can't find everything I need in 1 shop I may try others'
'No I don't know how long I'll be'
'I'm at my sisters, not sure what time I'll be home'

It doesn't really matter where you are, you could be at your sisters or the pub or the shops, but by setting a time frame, if you're later than that it can feel a bit selfish especially if you're left with a child. I used to be a bit like that with my dd and dh. If he said he'd be home at x and turned up 3 hrs late I'd be annoyed. If said he was leaving work and arriving home 2 hrs later, especially if I was cooking tea etc.

I'd sit down and have a proper chat with him about it. It sounds like you're a bit thoughtless, your dh is a bit controlling and you're both in lockdown with a dc with suspected adhd (I have a child with adhd so I know how difficult it can be)

copy The thing is, he's rarely left alone with DS. So, if I'm ever out and do a detour, it's just him indoors. IF he was a big family man that genuinely relished in our company, I'd get it. But when we get home, I'm given the cold shoulder and DS is welcomed with a huge fuss... Then 20 mins later it's back to DS being the biggest pain again in DH's eyes

Does your DH always come home at the same time after work? When you were on mat leave and at his sisters did you know exactly what time he would be home or were you just expected to be home before him without knowing when he would get home or at a small amount of notice if he called to say on way home?

Is it a case of him wanting you to be available to him/document your movements as soon as he is not at work or is he checking up on you while he's at work? My DH could leave for work at 6.30am and have no contact until 7pm saying on way home in which time i've driven, dropped DC at nursery, commuted to work, done a days work, travelled back, picked up DC and made dinner etc but if I said I was popping to the supermarket while he's at home at the weekend and was more than however long the popping should take I'd get a phone call asking where I was and what I was doing. When he's working he's distracted and busy when at home he's at a loose end and doesn't really know what to do with himself. He would say I worry about you which is why I check to make sure you are OK and I'd be like you can go 12 hours with no contact when it suits you and anything could have happened to me so sorry but that argument doesn't wash with me.

I think there are nuances to all situations and a few small details can make the difference to how a situation is viewed by others. Does he always stick to times when he is out/keep you informed? If he does then it could be less of a controlling issue and more of him feeling like you don't afford him the common courtesy so he gets pissed off, reacts badly and then you are both stuck going round in circles.

If its just the one thing then it's hardly controlling. I'd be annoyed if you took much longer than you said. Maybe just need to tighten up on things and consider how Yr behaviour could be seen as being annoying. You shouldn't have to come straight home but you should text to say when that will be approximately. It's the practicalities such as running into meal times such as tea.
No one is perfect I'd like to meet the perfect person who doesn't get annoyed ever.

Ilove if I text something like 'finished at 2, just popping to one shop and I'll be home for 3 latest' the reply would be Ffs. Fine. And then a Moody arse on my return. And yes that is sticking to one shop and being home before 3

I'd be posted off if my partner said they would be out for two hours then stayed out for 7 hours. It's fuck

She was talking about doing this on days when the H is at work! He wants her home already when he gets home. Very controlling

if I text something like 'finished at 2, just popping to one shop and I'll be home for 3 latest' the reply would be Ffs. Fine. And then a Moody arse on my return. And yes that is sticking to one shop and being home before 3

Ok that's shit. He sounds controlling at worse and a selfish dick at best.

Does he actually want to parent his child or is he just pissed you've had an extra hour to yourself. Either way it's shit

It's very controlling. In this day an age a husband can't command his wife's behaviour using words such as 'I told you to come straight home.' ! You're not obliged to obey him at all times and he shouldn't think that.