Too tired for sex or intimacy

[Snoringaway]

Anyone else stuck at home with a man who prefers to stay up late/do his own thing rather than be intimate and/or have sex?

For once, the kids are keeping themselves occupied playing across the hallway, we are alone in bed which is a rarity. But of course, he didn't come to bed until way after midnight, choosing to stay up watching films.

I'm lying naked in bed next to him, he knows I'm naked, he's too tired to do anything and just wants to sleep while the kids play.

They're up at 6am most mornings. I go to bed at a reasonable time of 10-10.30pm and I'm often woken by them during the night. He could get a solid 7-8.hours and have energy for us, for touching, sex, intimacy, but he leaves no time for it. He's always tired.

Sad that the opportunity is here and he's too knackered and sleeping through it. He's been awake to go to the toilet, got back into bed and is snoring away again. I've reached out to touch him but nothing is reciprocated, ir it is half-heartedly before he's snoring again.

We often end up in seperate beds too as the kids often getnin bed with me during the night, leaving no room for us all. This really is a rarity for us.

Have you raised the issue with him? You need to discuss your sex life just as you discuss other aspects of your relationship, kids, money, etc etc. It's difficult when you have young DC, maintaining the sexual side of your relationship means you both have to be committed to it and understand the importance of it, it's very different from the rip your clothes off now approach in the earlier stages of a relationship. You need to make sure you can find time and space and even, sometimes,
plan ahead, though formally diarising sex is a bridge too far IMO.

Years ago when our DC were young my DW and I agreed that we should not go longer than a week without and we've pretty much stuck to that. Sometimes this meant one of us was not especially keen on doing it but we went along with it because, well, because having sex is better than not having it. And for us this has worked very well, we are in our 60s now and both of us still have a strong sexual desire for each other and DTD at least twice a week.

Sex is the glue in a relationship, if it is not present you have a friendship, it will keep you together when everything else is falling apart. Communication is the key - you need to sit him down and have a serious talk.

He just doesn't seem to prioritise any form of intimacy at all. We have discussed this several times over the last few years; things improve and then he's back to living life on auto-pilot. We had relationship counselling a few years ago and our counsellor then discussed that sex was the glue in romantic relationships. He was all obliging and understanding of the need to make an effort for a while, then seems to forget.
The thought of needing another chat about this just feels a bit soul destroying.
I long for a relationship like yours where both of us appreciate the importance of our intimacy.

It sounds like he doesn't need or want sex/intimacy and so it's easy for him to slip back to nothing. Is it possible he stays up late partially to avoid sex?

Maybe he just has a naturally low sex drive. It must be really hard for you.

Hiya, my partner is the same sadly, I'm 27 he fee years older and is often on his phone watching YouTube or movies and is always me who tries to intiate but he is to tierd aswell , it's as if they don't feel sex is important :/ sorry I am not much help either xx