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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Told him I’m leaving <hand hold>

8 replies

MummySquirrel9 · 05/05/2020 23:54

I’ve messed up. I told my STBEH (is that the right acronym??) that I’ve looked at a house and am planning on going.

He started the discussion with “but I love you”, the middle was “you’ve changed on lockdown, I’ve seen your triggers for poor mental health)” and ended with “now is not the right time, let’s do it in 3 months”.

I feel physically sick that I’ve screwed up. I just wanted to talk and explain how serious our arguments are.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2020 23:58

You're setting yourself free. Good for you. Ignore his bullshit and keep going.

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/05/2020 00:01

How have you messed up? You were going to have to tell him at some point. It’s better now that you’ve got it out in the open otherwise it would eat away at you.

Hulksmashed · 06/05/2020 00:02

Do you want to leave or you want to stay and work on things? The sick feeling can just be anxiety about change and the future, we all get that, or do you mean you were hoping he’d see how serious thing were and it would improve?

Original poster

MummySquirrel9 · 06/05/2020 00:03

I just wanted to have my plans a little firmer but that felt increasingly deceitful.

Really want to run away with the kids for a few days but I can’t due to lockdown and dread what we’d come back to.

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 06/05/2020 00:10

I think you did right by telling him. It will all work out in the end.

Hulksmashed · 06/05/2020 00:13

If your minds made up then I think you did the right thing, trying to keep smiling and act like everything is good when it isn’t is soul destroying. Difficult timing with lockdown, but you will get through it, and it will be worth it when you come out the other side.

Original poster

MummySquirrel9 · 06/05/2020 00:20

Hope my honesty doesn’t bite me on the arse too much.

It’s going to be hard from here on.

He came home with a shit bunch of flowers tonight saying “sorry” but couldn’t bring himself to say what he was sorry for. I don’t want flowers. I wanted communication for the last five years

OP posts:

Jamandbreadd · 06/05/2020 10:16

My husband bought me flowers and a Fortnums hamper to “say sorry” after yet another abusive tirade at me. That was when I knew I was leaving and a switch flipped. These men don’t know their arse from their elbow and you’ve done the right thing because you know it wouldn’t have got better.

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