...and is finding the current situation mentally and physically exhausting (as you’d expect).
My partner is a physiotherapist, and basically is escorting elderly patients home from hospital where they’ve been discharged insanely fast and shouldn’t really be going home as they haven’t been assessed. He’s had some really stressful times, people who’s oxygens levels are too low, people who have been left on the ground floor when they should have been taken to their bedroom (immobile) and all sorts of things. Additionally he’s used to having an 8 to 4 work day and is currently doing random shifts with no pattern, one day it could be 12 to 8, the next 8 to 4. For some people these shifts might not be an issue but for him, well it completely throws him off and he’s not coping. He absolutely has to have the same routine every day or he basically gets into a state which gets worse and worse. As an example this morning we fell out because his work trousers had creases in them due to the way ad hung them to dry, so he said he would do his own laundry, however he wasn’t very kind about how he dealt with it. He’s since apologised and said he didn’t see it from my perspective and he is grateful that I take the time to make sure he has clean work clothes.
I’m working from home with DS at home so I’m struggling also with a lack of usual routine, and the same as other people, the lack of social contact. I’m doing the housework because he’s exhausted. Please note, before lockdown we shared everything equally. I have been putting my emotional and physical “needs” aside because I believe he needs my support more than I need his due to his job.
Our relationship is suffering because he wants to be alone a lot, and I want his company. We both appear to need different things to cope with lockdown etc. Neither of us know how to balance this so we can muddle through this to the best of our ability. I have suggested a couples review at the end of each week, meaning we can talk about grievances or stresses at a set time and not have to worry about it during the week. He suggested we make a list tomorrow if things we want to do together because he’s acknowledged he should devote more time to me. I also need to make a list of things I want to do on my own so I’m not co-dependent.
I wondered how others are getting through this where each partner actually needs something quite different to the other and how you compromise? How do you know what is your minimum and what is realistic. For context, we have been together for less than a year