Is there any point in mediation.

[NewHorizons2020]

Can anyone share their experiences of mediation when separating / divorcing regarding custody and financials ? Does the mediator give advice ? Does mediator stay silent and just relay messages back & forth ? H and I at completely opposite spectrums right now.

It was a horrendous waste of time and huge amount of money. The mediator was good and had his number, had to deal with stbx getting arsey with me and her, but ultimately it achieved nothing

We went through court over the children which was horrendous- expensive, stressful for all involved and we came out with what I’d proposed in the first place after almost a year
So when sorting finances I didn’t hold out much hope for mediation but after 3 sessions we agreed, mediator was excellent and made him see that if we went to court he probably wouldn’t get such a good deal. It is expensive but not ‘going to court’ expensive. It helped that ex just couldn’t afford to go to court again though.

Nothing to add sorry- Just place marking

And yes the mediator saw straight through controlling ex

Thank you. So mediators do offer their opinion ? H is completely taken in by his solicitor agreeing with everything heydays right now.

Heydays : he says

@Sally2791 so yes !! Initial individual sessions gbp 75 each, then sessions together gbp 175 an hour. I am shell shocked at prices. How many hours did you do & did it end up at court anyway ?

Not an opinion as such but they look at all the facts/evidence and guide you in what the courts will consider to be fair taking account of your individual circumstances.

Just remember that there’s also a huge backlog in the courts (even before the current pandemic) so it’ll drag out. There’s a lot to be gained in the give and take of mediation and having some control. As soon as you go to court it’s out if your hands really and could get very nasty.

I went to mediation and everting was agreed then my ex h back tracked and wanted a lot more money off me

@rosie2000 May i ask what you offered originally regarding custody ?

You may need to bear in mind that mediation, like relationship counselling, is not suitable where there is abuse of ANY kind.

We had three sessions. Thought we’d agreed something after the first, then when the mediator reiterated it stbx went nuts. I should have realised that he could only fight me, any agreement he saw as me winning... I agree don’t do it if there’s been abuse, or if either is looking for a fight not an answer.
We didn’t go to court, it was battled out between solicitors eventually.

The children live with me and he has them on set days, weekends etc.

Ime both (!) the mediators we tried were good, one particularly so.

We did mediation and after our first session
I had to be escorted to my car for my own safety.
Nothing resolved. Another abusive experience however did allow me to see how bad it was when I was married as total strangers saw how volatile as abusive my XH is.