Partner's family accusing me of "wanting a British passport"

[pierremonamour]

Can anyone give me an objective opinion please.

My partner and I met 11 years ago in my home country. We work for the same company ( HQ is in the UK). We lived 10 years together in Kenya and had 2 girls. Sadly both of my parents passed away. My partner was missing his family ( which we saw once or twice a year) so we decided to move to the UK last year. We both asked the company to transfer us to England, which was accepted.

It's been a nightmare since. He proposed to me and I said yes. His sister told us on her birthday how I was "too beautiful for you" and " she just wants citizenship". They send me messages on FB " It's not fair to play with his feelings". They hate me but love the kiddos. I got fed up and kept my girls with me. And it got terrible. Apparently I am now using the children to blackmail them and get a british passport.

His sister keeps texting him sh*t like " Open your eyes , she is too perfect and pretty to be interested in you". It impacts on his self-esteem and says I am too beautiful for him. WHICH IS NOT TRUE. I have my own insecurities and I don't find myself pretty.

For his sake , and happiness I agreed that he goes to his family without me but with the girls. But his mum and sister keep harassing me. He admitted to showing them pics of my house in Kenya , my car too because they think I ride an elephant and live in poverty. The last straw was when she sent a text to my partner saying that I was probably a prostitute, had aids and that he made up the fact that I worked for "his" company. He always reply with stuff like -No she is not x Love you x.

I told him I was taking my damn kids and going back to Kenya. He can come or stay.

We decided to move back to Kenya and the harassment got worst. Apparently I am trying to separate him from his family and they will never talk to him. Now he is having doubts...

What would you do ?

Fucking hell, he needs to grow a backbone. You have a dp problem, not just a family problem! His family abuse, harass and insult you, and he does nothing! You are the mother of his children and his fiancee, and he does nothing! Wtf does he think- that you should roll over like him and play nice? Fuck that!

Has he always been this weak with his family? They seem very dysfunctional! And he can't see it. Had he ever mention how fucked up his family is? Or explained why he hasn't defended you - i mean properly actually defended you?

His family is toxic, abusive, and he pretends it's all fine and dandy. You neex to get him some articles on FOG and tell him to buck up or fuck off. Yoh should not have to deal with abuse from his family because he has no boundaries or backbone.

Please feel free to show him this. I'm bloody horrified by his family, but mostly I'm horrified by HIM!

Tell him he needs to either cut them off or leave
He can't keep saying he loves them when they're disrespecting his partner

This is so difficult and I feel for you, my partner (and her daughter, who I absolutely adore and regard as my stepdaughter, even if she isn't, in a legal sense) are from Tanzania. My partner is here in the UK on a Student Visa, whilst she completes her PhD and her daughter on a Dependants Visa.We will, in due course, need to convert her Student Visa to a Tier 2 Visa, provided she can receive a job offer meeting the criteria from a Tier 2 sponsoring UK employer.

My vile sister in law has made similar comments to me, about my partner just 'looking for a meal ticket', British citizenship, a Spousal Visa, a UK passport or the opportunity to avail herself of the UK public health system or free schooling for her daughter. But then, as I said, she is vile, so toxic that, were she to bite her own tongue, she would poison herself with her own venom. After a major bust up, I am now incommunicado with her, which is a shame as it means only very limited contact with my brother...

I do not really know what to advise, but just wanted to show solidarity with you - my partner comes first, as far as I am concerned, and if that means limited contact with certain members of my family, then so be it. But it bloody hurts to be the recipient of these horrible, jingoistic and, yes, racist comments.

My very best wishes to you and good luck💐

Fucking hell. He needs to grow some.

His family are ridiculous

You've been together eleven years with two kids and only recently got engaged! That's a hell of a lot of time invested just to get a passport. They are batshit.

I’d move back to Kenya too! I’d block him as well if he didn’t absolutely read them the riot act and tell them if the didn’t apologise profusely and shut their mouths for the rest of their lives when it comes to their rude, inappropriate bullshit he’d never speak to them again.. How dare he not stand up for you! I’d let him choose between his loving partner and mother of his children or his bat shit crazy family. If he’s too stupid to see how great your relationship is and how they’re poisoning his mind then he’s absolutely not good enough for you.

My post is probably very 'outing', but, you know what, I don't care, I have nothing to hide, I am enormously proud of my partner and my stepdaughter, love them both immeasurably and will defend them, whatever it takes, against any bigoted, prejudiced, ignorant, narrow minded members of my own family

No way would i have sent my children there, you have no idea how they would poison them.
He needs to cut them out or leave you and the girls if his extended family are more important than his actual family.
He is a coward and all respect would be gone if it was me. Are you still attracted to him?

Tell him to man up and bin them off. His children are more important and he should be protecting them from their racism.

My husband went NC with his parents after they told him that the good lord would abort the half breed abomination I was carrying.

They're horrible people and extremely abusive to him - it seems that his way of dealing with (apart from moving thousands of miles away for at least a decade) is to dismiss anything they say, rather than allow himself to get upset or angry with them.

I bet he always had to accept their tirades of abuse as a child and was permanently in the wrong.

That level of brainwashing and training is really hard to overcome - and it isn't achieved by simply shouting louder than they do, as if it is successful, that means you just gain the power over him that they have. The only way for him to be able to resist it is for him to come to the conclusion that they are abusing him and he can choose to do what he actually wants in the knowledge that they will never, ever give him the approval and love that he has craved from them since infancy.

Thingsdogetbetter

He pretends he defends me when I am not there but I have never actually seen him do it. Everytime they make fun of my accent , he laughs too. They always have been nice to me when I saw them before. I told him that by saying that I am too pretty they are calling him ugly , which he agreed with O_O.
He was more excited than me to go back to Kenya. " YES LET'S DO THIS LET'S DO THAT LET'S GET MARRIED IN KENYA" and now he's changing his mind.

What do you do? You did exactly what you could do and that was getting as away from his toxic family as possible.

I doubt that they suddenly became toxic, they were always like this but they saw an opportunity to drive a wedge between you so they could have him to themselves and took it.

You can’t undo the fact that his family are toxic or that he chose not to stand up to them.

I’m sorry that you had suffer these stupid people.

I would certainly be keeping my children away from this vile lot. And let them know exactly why... How dare they the poor children listening to their mother being denigrated... Your partner needs to man up or you need to leave him

Devlesko

Yes I am. When they leave us alone , he goes back to being the funny , kind , helping man I love. But after each calls/texts they send he becomes very anxious and does not eat for days. I miss the man that was living with me in Kenya.

Honeyroar
I am going back home with or without him! They had the audacity to ask him to leave my children here so "they can ever a better life". I had a very good life back home and so did he. Plenty of friends and nice weather (lol).

I’d be grabbing my children and bags and going home, don’t put up with their crap. Change your mobile and leave them to their disgusting views.