Do you regret leaving you DH for another man?

[Lifeisconfusing]

Did you leave your dh or dp for another man? And regret it after? What did you loose and what would you change if you could go back?

If you’re considering leaving your partner for the man you’re having an affair with, do it. Your partner deserves a hell of a lot better than someone with no morals and no love for them.

And asking a group of people without morals, who’ve hurt the person they claimed to love, for advice Is outright stupid. You’re wanting advice from people who didn’t have a second thought destroying someone else’s life. You want some good advice then ask the people who have been cheated on instead, the people who have had to live with the daily destruction and pain that their ex caused them through cheating.

I'm so thankful I didn't take this course of action.

I’ve not been this situation but if you are you should leave instead continuing to make your H an knowing fool. And if you later come back citing numerous issues with your H then the advice remains the same and it still wouldn’t justify the deceit, two wrongs and all that.

To be honest I don't think it's a question anyone can answer. Will the grass be greener, who knows? If the relationship is no longer for you then yes it's better to end it, not just for you but also for your DH. If meeting someone else is the catalyst for leaving the marriage then maybe it's just a wake up call that the marriage is no longer working? Would I advise someone should leave for an affair? definately not. Would I suggest two people seperate because their relationship is no longer viable? Well then it's possibly for the best for both people in it. But I wouldn't bank on an affair turning into something amazing, because there's always the guilt factor 😔 and then living with it... Far better a clean break, working on yourself and then reviewing what the 'draw' to the other person really is.

I left my ex not because of, but triggered by another man.

Why I really left: the "ick". I'd been having it for a couple of years. Then thought a baby would fix it. Which it didn't (of course ... how naive of me).

What the OM did: nothing, really. He was just a crush - secret and, as far as I know (never told him/asked) unrequited. But his mere existence reminded me that there might be something better out there than grinding my teeth at the fact that my OH, whom I resented for even daring to exist at that point, until I bite the dust.

Do I regret leaving? No, not at all! I'm far happier now. Casually dating, nothing serious, but it's most definitely an upgrade from living with someone you've come to be utterly repulsed by out of sheer duty/because I felt it was "the right thing to do" and I had "no tangible reason to leave".

Should you leave over another man? No! He might not be worth it/you might tire of him or he of you/it may not work out for any number of reasons.

Should you leave over "you"? Yes, absolutely, if you can't answer with a decisive and enthusiastic "yes" to whether or not you're looking forward to spending the rest of your life with your partner - regardless of any ongoing affairs/crushes/etc. I'm not into the whole "relationships are hard work" philosophy. They can be, for a short period. But if the times when they are far outnumber the times when you're a happier person because you're in them, it might not be a relationship worth working so much for.

I didn't - but a close (male) friend is with someone who was once married and left for him. She had been with her husband since she was v young and got married in her early twenties. No kids involved. I know from speaking to her that most of her friends were mutual friends with her husband so she lost a lot of friends and some of her family were pretty judgy about it.

She and my friend moved away from our city and they seem very happy! I know what they did was wrong but tbh since there were no kids and not even a lot of assets to split (this all happened in our late 20s so no one had bought houses etc yet) I can't get that excited about it. And before anyone says 'what if you were the husband' etc - I have been cheated on by a partner of 8 years and that was no fun at all, but I think everyone's situation is different.

I don't think she'd tell me if she felt regret or wanted to go back or whatever - it is my friend she is with after all. But she never blames her ex for anything, think she does feel guilty for hurting him. But who knows - you never really know whats up in other people's relationships.

Relationships that start that way, always follow the same path eventually. There will always be doubt, jealousy, control, guilt. Its a recipe for misery, and anyone who says "I met my soulmate through an affair and ten years on we are fine!" is blinkered. How do you know how the other person is feeling? They could be wracked with guilt! My ex husband was, we met when we had other partners(granted they weren't serious, but not the point), and 12 years later it was still causing us problems with trust, control etc.

I'd also consider affairs by their nature are 'very exciting'. Its something new, conversations, sexual attraction, meeting a new person who 'really gets you!'. The reality is its normally the early stages of any new relationship where you don't envisage the other person snoring, farting, picking their nose or scratching their arse, hanging the toilet paper the wrong way round, scraping their plate with a knife 😖(all those traits we come to terms with). The reality is generally no different to the next person when you live with them, unless you're leaving a relationship due to some form of abuse (in which case yes you should never stay regardless).

Guys perspective here who actually had this happen, more or less. My ex wife had an affair. We split then divorced and by complete fluke bumped into each other about 2 years later. Turns out she wasn't with said fling anymore (surprise surprise). She then messages me saying she has screwed up the last 4 years of her life and the biggest mistake was having and affair rather than talk to me about being unhappy. My response was, let's just say profanity was used but ultimately no!

If you are drawn by another person then your relationship has problems to start with. If you leave that relationship those problems will still be there. People are ex's for a reason in general. If you have your head turned and find out the grass isn't greener on the otherside don't come crawling back as far as I'm concerned.

I've done it a few times - met someone else and left. No affairs, once I like someone else, that's it, I end the relationship I am as soon as possible. I've never regretted it. If I was at the point where someone else had caught my attention then things weren't right so time to move on.