Who Should I Choose?

[Catladyireland]

Hi guys,

This is a weird one and I hope it doesn't come across as selfish or bad. I am in a situation I didn't think I would ever be in and I am oddly struggling with it. I am trying to decide between two relationships and who I would be happier with.

I was in a relationship with a guy for two years (I'll call him T) who travelled a lot for work and it didn't work out, we never quite managed to commit or form a 'real' relationship, which I found quite hurtful and difficult and eventually ended it.

Then I met a new guy who is very different to T, he is more reliable and more affectionate but I found myself thinking about T a lot and feeling very guilty for that. T got back in touch and I met him for a friendly drink before lockdown started and it all felt so familiar. G (new boy) is very loving and kind, so I'm not sure why I'm selfishly thinking of T. T has offered to start things again if I would be happy to do so and has apologised a lot for his previous behaviour and how he is now going to be travelling less.

Obviously, if I go back to T it could all go wrong again. I was quite hurt the last time it ended and am wondering is it worth the risk to either of us. Any advice would be appreciated xx

I'd say don't do it. It's a romantic dream based on what ifs and rose coloured glasses. Nice, but not real life.

Neither if you have to ask that question!

If you aren't sure about either of them, be on your own.

Don’t go for t and I’d end things with g

You can’t be 100% committed to g if you’re still thinking about t

Maybe you’re not fully over t and are day dreaming about what you could have.

I’d keep it friendly with both to avoid being labelled as leading these two men on.

I think you should choose yourself.

Guy two sounds better, tho up to you, the furst guy never made much effort did he?

neither I'd say.

For some reason I am very drawn to T but that might be because it didn't work out the first time and I would like to go back to resolve it

Never go back.

Any reason you can’t date them both and see how it goes? As long as you’re open and honest with them both obviously.

You deserve better than T

... but G deserves better than you.

Never go back to someone who didn't put you first - that would be asking for trouble.

And never stay with someone that you're not putting first - that's being cruel.

You obviously don’t fancy G enough to stop you thinking about T. So leave poor G well alone, he deserves better than that.

T will probably hurt you again as men rarely change their behaviour.

I’d scratch both of them and spend some time being happy by yourself.

I was in your shoes a few years ago. My "T" fought hard to win my trust and we'll be married 5 years this year. It can work.

If there is no spark with G then I would take another chance with T. It may or may not work out and you will be left with neither, but you should follow your heart but keep a clear head and end it if it's the same old same old.

It's just a feeling of being drawn to him but i'm not sure why

@Catladyireland remember the grass is always greener on the other side!

As a "nice" guy, I've found it quite interesting over the course of my life that some women go for naughtier, less available men. I've watched women I like fall over themselves to chase my good looking friends. I've been described as kind, loving and reliable. I've ended up with someone who appreciated that, and watched my friends remain serial monogomists.

G sounds great. Kind, loving and reliable. If you can't be loyal to him and value him for who he is then just end it, because someone out there will really appreciate him.