Do I tell him how I really feel..??

[doidonti2020]

Long story short, I met a guy at uni 9 years ago via work colleagues and we became good friends for the 3 years I lived in that city. I fancied the pants off him from day 1 although never acted on it. I've read back on our old messages (weird yes I know) and he was actually pretty flirty with me and I never once gave him even the slightest incline back that I liked him too (idiot). I always had a hint over the years that he liked me but wasn't sure if it was exclusive to me or he was just 'overly friendly' in general. We ended up just friend zoning each other even though I'm sure the feeling was mutual.

Anyway. I moved back home after uni, 2 hours away and started a relationship that I've been in ever since. The relationship has had some rocky patches and during those rocky patches, I've always thought about this guy again. I've never managed to get him out of my head all these years. I'm currently considering leaving my partner and moving back to the city I went to uni, same city man lives, as all my friends are there and I have nothing here. I want a fresh start.

Would I be totally mad to message this guy and lay my cards on the table and tell him how I've felt for the last 9 years? Why can't I get him out of my head? I'm not expecting to be with him or anything like that but I'm getting to the point in my life where I don't want any regrets. I'm pretty sure he's seeing someone but it doesn't seem serious (basing this on social media). He posts a lot on social media - his food, nature walks, etc etc but the potential GF is in none. I know this all sounds very immature. We very vaguely stayed in touch over the years, he's liked almost every post (of me only) I've put on social media over the years. Ive bumped into him a few times when I visiting friends (last was 3 years ago) and he seemed EXTREMELY happy to see me.

Just for reference I'm late 20s he's early 30s.

Someone tell me I'm totally mad and just losing it because my relationship is breaking down? What is it with this guy - why can't I forget him?? Is this just a lust thing? That wasn't really long story short was it...

How about if you move back, message him and ask to go for a drink to catch up?

But don’t make the decision to break up with your partner or move back based on a crush from years ago.

Consider telling him what you want to say IF and AFTER you finish your current relationship.

@Batqueen oh 1000% the relationship breakdown has nothing to do with that.

Using the word 'crush' is exactly how I feel it is - is it just a crush what even is it? Part of me thinks we were always meant to be together other part of me just thinks we fancied each other at one point and because we never acted on it, it's just the unknown.

@BonneMaman77 yes I absolutely would say a word until everything was sorted with my current relationship issue. What I meant is, would I be totally crazy for saying anything to him after all this shitshow is over?

Make plans to meet up. Only do anything if and when you are both single.

His gf not being very present in his SM means nothing. You don't actually know what the seriousness/status if the relationship is. Some people, for example, are just not into SM, it becomes clear to their partner/friends and they respect they by not sharing stuff with them in it.

By all means contact him in a friendly way, but I wouldn't be going for gigantic confessions of long held love etc. And that's whether his relationship is serious or not.

*respect them

Even if it's not serious it could be really overwhelming and seem a little bit crazy/unrealistic/not well adjusted to dive in with someone you'd had next to no contact with for years with declarations of this and that.

I would be friendly (will you see him through your friends if you move?) and open and see how it goes.

@GilbertMarkham totally agree. I know it sounds crazy, and would come across totally crazy. I just don't want to live having regrets. I'm pretty certain we'd never be together and I'm not going to chase after him, I almost just want to eat him know how I've felt over the years.

We'd almost certainly bump into each other one way or another, we share the same circle of friends

Let not eat

You might as well. Once you've finished with the present chap.

Go for it! :)

@flipflopdreams @category12 so it's not at all a bit creepy/crazy/out of nowhere? 😂 like I said I'm not expecting him to fall at my feet and we be together from it. But at the same time I don't want him to think I'm a complete freak!

Would I be totally mad to message this guy

No, go ahead!

Would I be totally mad to lay my cards on the table and tell him how I've felt for the last 9 years?

No. NO!! Just NO...

@FlowerArranger thank you for the words of encouragement