What does he want?!!

[Koffeetoast]

Posted on here late last year about my boyfriend at the time not spenidng enough time with me. He didnt agree. I ended it. We didnt speak for a month or so and he got back in contact with me, I assumed this meant he wanted to talk things over and see my point of view. The dinner ended with him saying that he just doesn't have the time to see me as often as I would like but he still liked me. I told him that was not going to work for me, and that once a week at minimum is very normal for a mature relationship.

Again we went our separate ways and I have moved on with my life. Deleted his number and forgot about him.

He messaged me just before COVID19 kicked off (March), and then again today about an event he knew I would be celebrating. When he messaged in March, I jsut replied with a polite sentence and he responded (I assumed trying to start a conversation) but I read it and did not reply.

Any idea what he wants? or why he keeps trying communicating with me?

I have not seen him in over 6 months since we met for that dinner to talk things over. I am not interested in being with him unless he is ready for a mature relationship. I just don't understand why he is communicating with me every now and then when I have clearly moved on! I even blocked him at one point, but was told by friend that that was too harsh and unnecessary.

He still wants to have sex with you? He’s bored
I would just block him, you aren’t friends, so what’s the point otherwise?

Well clearly he doesn't know. I'd tell him to fuck off until he's worked out what he does want.

Frankly he's probably just using you for the occasional ego boost &/or possibility of sex (aka narcissistic supply). Not great. I'd be very surprised if he genuinely cares about you. Sorry.

He is hoovering you in the hope you might be lonely enough to drop your standards.

Well done on being clear and decisive

He's looking for an easy shag, and I totally disagree with your friend. It is not harsh to block him, it's smart. You don't need him injecting himself into your life whenever he pleases. Block and forget him.

He wants what he wanted before - everything on his terms. He is hoping to catch you at a vulnerable point where you might agree.

Your friend...is a tit. Sorry but why is wanting to cut contact with an ex 'too harsh'? I cant ever imagine saying that to a mate. Not if I had their best interests at heart.

I think you may have a few ppl around you who want you to doubt your choices, and seeing you stand up for yourself to one, has made the other one feel threatened. Often shit ppl encourage us to put up with other ppls shit. So that we will also doubt our own choices when it comes to putting up with theirs.

Perhaps not. Perhaps your friend is just extra miss nice gal who doesnt want anyones feelings to be hurt. But surely, your feelings should be most important, to a friends.

Block him again. And keep an eye on this pal in future. Because she may not really be a pal.

Thanks for the replies...Could be sex...not that it didn't cross my mind, but he knows that I would not be giving in to that, if he suggested it. But then again you never know what could happen in the heat of the moment. I think you're right, he's probably bored...lonely...and hopes I am too and desperate enough to respond to him again.

He's testing the water to see if he's any chance of a leg over (short term) or a more regular booty call

Definitely block him and maybe ask your 'friend' why she would think that blocking an ex is being too nasty ??

He's your ex for a good reason and you've moved on, block him.

Deleted the message and left it unread. If he messages again then I will just do the same but block him.

Also, I highly doubt he is ready for a serious relationship because if he was I think he would be doing more than throwing cheap whatsapp messages out there every now and then. Not interested!

If someone wanted me back I would expect a heck of a lot more than a 39 second WhatsApp message that’s for sure

@Menora thanks, I totally agree!

He just wants to start things up and string you along again and is looking for a way back in.

I once listened to a friend who said I was being too harsh on an ex who kept trying to work his way back in. Biggest mistake of my life. Be firm op and listen to your gut instinct.

@MiddlesexGirl my instinct is telling me that he is lonely and bored during this lockdown, and because we left things wihtout a real conclusion he thinks that he can open the door as we didnt really close it.

The reason things didnt really officially end was because we had a conversation on the phone and it seemed to end positively, and I had anticipated that he would call back or put the discussion in to action...he never did call back or put anything in to action.

I reckon lockdown has made him want to test the waters again, he wants to see how much he can get out of me. If I respond to his message, it'll turn in to a conversation, and then turn in to a phone call and then meeting up....no doubt when the nation goes back to business, he will suddenly become busy again and not able to commit to the type of relationship I want!

So yeah! not responding is the best option i think.

I would like to start dating or chatting with guys again, but not him!

He's just checking to see if you've dropped your standards and expectations since the last time you spoke and whether you're ready to accept sleeping with him on his terms yet.

Block him once and for all.

Okay so I didn't block him...couldn't help myself...I called...he tried to engage is meaningless chit chat...I stopped him and said I'm sorry but I would prefer if he didn't contact me again...and he said 'oh you'd rather I didn't?' and I said yes as we didn't know each other as friends and I don't see the point in you contacting me. We awkwardly said goodbye and I am assured thet he will not be messaging me again. His pride won't let him.