Left at 35 and struggling to cope with the idea of no future family

[User123000]

The man I loved more than anything left me. We weren’t married, no children but both were talked about often.

The house feels like a shell not a home. I desperately want children and feel that chance has gone too. I had a termination a year ago because he wasn’t ready for a child and we decided it was too soon. I feel I have lost my chance now.

I loved him so much. I don’t know how to wake up in the morning or how to see any future in life at all.

Please dont despair - though I know that's easier said than done. 💐

35 isn't the end, women often need to continue to take contraception until late forties and early 50s. Have a little google about female fertility and new research around how some genetic issues with later babies seem to be related to sperm age rather than egg age - e.g. the 42 year old woman and 52 year old husband. There are also questions around correlation and causation e.g. autism is associated with both much older AND much younger mothers therefore could be inherited and influence family timing, rather than be caused by family timing iyswim.

You need to get on with it, no doubt, but you have 5 to 10 years (or more in some cases) to meet, marry, and have all your children.

There is the option of egg freezing into you want to buy time.

It's not over yet.

I’m in my late forties with a gorgeous 1 year old DS. I used an egg donor and he is an absolute joy. There are ways, even if you end up being slightly unconventional like me!

I had my first at 40, second at 43, after I was told it would be impossible to conceive naturally as I had such low fertility. 35 is young enough to grieve for the loss of the life you envisaged, meet someone new, build a new life, family, home. I know it's hard to see it when you are still in the midst of your grief. But there is hope and it will get better and you will meet someone who wants the life and future you want. Sending hugs x

Please don't despair, my ex of 10 years left me 9 months before we were due to get married - I was 37. I'm now almost 40, have met someone lovely and due to have a baby in a matter of weeks :) just take some time to heal from this break up, I would highly recommend therapy or some form of counselling to learn to really love yourself and believe in your self-worth and know that you truly deserve all the wonderful things that you want! Don't give up x

Maybe try seperating the feelings of grief for the relationship, which was a part of your life that has changed and the grief for the idea of children, which you havent experianced yet as they are probably two different things, though for you they are connected as you thought this guy was someone you wanted to have a family with.
People breakup for a reason and eventhough it may not seem like it, this guy was not the one for you.
I broke up with the 'love of my life' some time ago and it was awful at first. I wont lie, it took a while to move on but I always knew I would and I also knew once I did I would not look back iykwim.
My advice is to focus on friendships and get companionship from that.
I have two grown up kids and the fact is when they grow up they leave, not just physically but emotioinally too.

I could have written this myself.

I’ve got no words of comfort to offer you, apart from it does get easier. This happened to me at Christmas. I feel like I’ve been robbed of my future and it’s even worse now we are in lockdown; I was just ready to start dating and it’s all been snatched away again. I feel like I don’t have time to lose!

But as so many wise Mumsnetters have said; the wrong person is SO much worse than no person. You still have so much time to get pregnant and there will be loads of people along shortly with lovely and uplifting stories.