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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Struggling

3 replies

justabaglady · 03/05/2020 12:51

So....My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years dumped me partly because he's in pursuit of something that was 'missing' from his life - and that he 'needed' and 'wanted' more ... and partly because I have BPD and have a tendency to be a little bit insecure due to feeling incredibly unloveable, unworthy and fear abandonment (which is sadly who I am and he knew that I felt like that when we first got together...). He didn't appreciate my inability to communicate my feelings the way I did.

Now, I don't know what's worse, the fact he doesn't feel happy and that something is missing something that I obviously couldn't give him (which makes
my BPD go nutso) or the fact that with a mental illness it makes me an unbearable person to be around....

Let me just add, I adored him, loved him completely, never cheated (he did sext someone one on a fuck site) and really saw him as the man I was going to be with - and having him say that too... I believed him...

Can't decide what is worse...I failed at being a person that could enhance his life or my mental illness has destroyed another relationship!!!

OP posts:
Khione · 03/05/2020 14:19

HE FAILED at being a person that could enhance your life - not the other way round.

I would work on your self esteem before getting into another relationship.

(which is sadly who I am and he knew that I felt like that when we first got together...)

to me that is the main thing you have to work on. It isn't 'who you are' it's a way you tend to behave.

Even when you feel like this, you do not have to behave like, this - fake it until you make it.

Unfortunately, when you let another partner person know you feel like this some people start to feel the same way about you. Act as though you believe in yourself and they are more likely to too.

Counselling (so long as you find the right person for you) can definitely help but there are also free online resources to help with this too.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2020 14:24

I think you’re looking at it the wrong way op, it is not about you or your mental health, simply relationships end, they don’t all work out. And this one didn’t. That’s all. I get it’s hard, but everyone has relationships that end. 💐

justabaglady · 03/05/2020 14:53

I also have aspergers so when he said he wasn't ever going to hurt me or leave me and we were forever, I took it literally

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