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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ow or no?

3 replies

bellami · 03/05/2020 10:56

Hi all

I feel like I need to write this down to get a fresh perspective on things and to get outsiders opinions.

I was with my ex fiance for 3 years and we have a one year old DD. After I had DD my mental health suffered and we went through a period where our relationship was toxic but we got through it as time went on and the hormones in my body calmed down.

Things were going well we got engaged, booked a wedding and things were good. Then he started a new job and this is where things get strange..

He started taking more care of his appearance which I put down to wanting to make a good impression at his new workplace. Then he started talking about how his new team was "sociable" and had loads of nights out planned and that he couldn't wait to go out more as he hadn't been out much since we had DD. I was fine with this... Then one day we had an argument and he told me it was over.

He said he had been checking out over the past year because he "couldn't get over my behaviour" from when we had the rough patch after DD was born. He found a place to live very quickly and moved into a flat share meaning he can't have DD overnight leaving me with all the childcare. Then he said he wanted to work on himself and said I should work on myself and we could work to getting back together, I didn't want the break up so I was keen on this but then he removed me off all social media and hid his friends list on FB and when I asked why he said it's because he would add girls from work and he couldn't be bothered with me questioning who he was adding which I had only done once when we went through the rough patch...

I believed there was OW at this point and told him I no longer wanted to work on things and I meant it. So time went on and I made a Tinder profile, one day I was swiping and I came across his profile so I screenshot it and sent it to him and said "oh that's awkward" to which he responded he had made it that morning and he'd found my profile and was annoyed with me so he put a lot of effort into his profile 😂

It's kinda thrown me off because all this time I believed there was another woman from work? But then why would he be on tinder?

I know realistically it doesn't matter, I don't want him back but I think it would give me validation that it wasn't all my fault like he makes out it is and I feel like I can't see the woods for the trees. So mumsnetters, what do you think?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 03/05/2020 11:02

He’s checked out. Start planning your life without him. Hope you’re applying for cms.

Wanderlust21 · 03/05/2020 11:05

Maybe it didn't go anywhere with the woman from work. Maybe he is seeing more than one woman, or wants to be.

I think you would be wise to block him on everything too. Bar maybe one phone so you can contact about daughter when relevant.

He made you feel shitty, so what does it matter if there was someone else or not! You were perfectly justified in telling him enough was enough.

custardbear · 03/05/2020 11:09

Sounds like it's over.
Tell him to get himself in a situation where he can be a parent and look after your DD too and stop shirking responsibilities on that front.
Get yourself over this relationship and move onwards and upwards

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