Feeling low about lack of sex

[AntiEverythingToday]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, we''ve been living together just over a year. For the last 6 months or so, sex has been virtually non existent and I am really struggling with it. Intimacy not a problem we are very close and lots of hugging and kissing etc but when it comes to the bedroom it has mainly been mutual masturbation and even that infrequently, I'd say every 10 days or so. Actual PIV sex, not this year so far 😬

I tried to bring this up for the first time just before Christmas but BF just put it down to him being stressed at work and having put on a little weight but assured me it was a temporary thing. Since then its only got worse and the few times I have brought it up I get made to feel really bad because I'm "piling on the pressure" and "making him feel like hes not enough" 🙄

Tonight this has come to a head as after a really nice evening I made a move in bed which was rejected. I said fair enough and then he said oh well I could do you (with his hands sorry tmi) but his has happened occasionally in the past and I always feel like it's out of obligation so I just said no, I'd rather not because I know you're not in the mood and just trying to appease me. Hes gone in a bit of a huff, told me hes not even tired now then promptly turned over and started snoring 🙄

I just dont know how to get through to him without him trying to guilt me by saying that I'm pressuring him. I feel like my needs are just irrelevant!

What was sex like at the beginning? As someone who put up with a sex life (or lack of it) for 12 years in a relationship like this, my advice is get out now as it doesn't get better. But it was never good for us, even at the beginning

I'm sorry, but this is your sex life now. Or rather lack of it. And he shuts you up by guilting you when you try to broach the subject. Misty is giving you good advice, and it's the same advice I'll give you. If you want a decent reciprocal satisfying sex life then this is not the relationship for you. I know you'll probably want to stay and try to get him to sort his shit out, or keep quiet hoping if you don't pressure him it'll improve. I suppose I can't blame you for wanting to give it a go. But those of us who've been on the other end of this situation, like Misty, like me, can tell you leaving is your best option. You don't want to wait years down the line, until you feel bitter and frustrated, and your confidence has been shot to pieces.

Just wanted to say I'm in your boat and I feel the same way. It's shit isn't it?

Is he stressed about something, or has an STI he is worried about?

I was worried that would be the advice 😔 I know its cliche to say this but in every other aspect we have a fantastic relationship, we have supported each other through a couple of tough years and I genuinely do feel like hes my best friend.

But I know you're right, I cant bear to think about going another 6 months like this, let alone years!

Sex life in the beginning was great, more like 3 times a week which is what I think would be great now. When we had sex last year it was still fantastic.. just too infrequent!

@GrannySlippersAreAStepTooFar you speak so much sense, I already feel quite bitter about it and my self esteem has always been a struggle but I definitely find it plummets with lack of sex. I feel so disheartened, I dont want this to be the end

@wobytide he says hes still stressed about work (that's been ongoing since December) definitely no STIs

I'd tell him where to go with hands u ain't 14 and to do oral lol buy him.viagra online If he wont see gp

Use the search facility to look for posts like yours. I've been on a few, over the years, myself (different user names) when in an old relationship.
It rarely ends well when one part of the relationship doesn't see there is a problem and will happily/ignorantly/blindly watch the other suffer.
Obviously you're aware no one can nor has the right to force, coerce or guilt trip someone into having sex but equally you, as the unhappy party here, can not be forced, coerced or guilt tripped into NO sex!
I ended a 6+ year relationship because I was you!
It is soul destroying and damaging to your mental well being the longer it continues. I had huge issues with my own self worth, was I attractive (he said yes) was I doing something wrong (he said no) my self respect was non existent at the end.
For me it wasn't about the actual physical act itself so much, while obviously an enjoyable part, but more about what I got emotionally and psychologically from it.
In my exes case he controlled me through sex in a way. Was happy to see me sad and unhappy because he wouldn't do anything about it.
I had little to no self confidence and as I said above my self respect had all but gone but one day I just thought nah!! I'm not doing this anymore - so stopped accepting his rare 'pity fucks and fumbles' stopped making any kind of advance - he noticed after a while and began to try harder but it was too late for me so I left him.

If you feel he'd listen then try speak to your DP in a calm way explaining that you seriously are becoming unhappy - without pressure or accusations etc... Ask what can be done to help this situation as you know you can not continue like this long term.
If he says he see's no problem and is happy with it then you'll have to accept that and decide what's best for you.
Good luck