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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

DH is sad that I'm looking forward to schools reopening

24 replies

Fantail2018 · 02/05/2020 22:56

DH is really enjoying working from home and spending time with kids. I am finding it really challenging as my work is busier than usual and also meant to be doing part-time study and not really getting any space or time to myself.

I'm now working in cold/dark alcove/wardrobe due to privacy whereas he is set up in main living area with sunshine and space.

Other day he complained that WE (his passive aggressive way of saying its my fault) had let kids spend too much time on screens (mix of school work and scratch programming) even though I'd been on calls all afternoon and trying to match up some data for an urgent report (which was all over the place).

Last night he comnented on the lockdown and I said it had been okay but looking forward to kids going back to school and he said that made him sad. I reiterated that I'm not enjoying this and we started to argue about it.

I'm finding it really frustrating that he seems to be loving this, tells everyone how awesome it is and how much better work/life balance but doesn't acknowledge that for me its not like that. Especially when I've had a couple of times where I have cried and said I'm not coping (he then told the kids to be more supportive). However I don't want to ruin it for him when he clearly is getting a lot of enjoyment out of being around the kids more...

At this point I wish they'd all just leave me alone for a week (haven't said that to him as it wouldn't be constructive). He was going to take kids away for a night so I could do a chunk of study just as lockdown started and I really wish he had and they had been stuck in that location and I could just be by myself...

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2020 22:58

I'm now working in cold/dark alcove/wardrobe due to privacy whereas he is set up in main living area with sunshine and space.

Swap.

Give him the full lockdown experience.

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2020 22:58

Why are you working in a cold dark wardrobe?

KingOfDogShite · 02/05/2020 23:00

Swap places with the twat for a the next 2 weeks and see if he likes it.

Embracelife · 02/05/2020 23:00

Swap work locations.

Vodkacranberryplease · 02/05/2020 23:01

Yes. Swap. Location, domestic roles, the lot. People tend not to really GET it till they have spent some time dealing with what you do.

Yellowsubmarinedreams · 02/05/2020 23:03

He sounds like a right cock.

megletthesecond · 02/05/2020 23:03

He's being an unsupportive cock and needs to step up.
Of course he enjoys lockdown. He's not commuting and has a nice workspace. It's all a novelty.

billy1966 · 02/05/2020 23:05

Oh he's a really PA twat OP.

He love to lord it over you thatbhe is thriving in this situation and you are not.

This isn't how people who really care about you behave.

Tip....he shouldn't be feeling great and crowing about it when you have stated clearly that you are not.

This is the behaviour of a prick.

He's NOT nice.
NOT supportive.
Does NOT have your back.

He's revelling in your discomfort.

Reflect on that

Watch your back.
He certainly isn't.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/05/2020 23:05

Does he do much with the DC when he isn't working and also does he do his fair share of cooking, cleaning etc?

stickygotstuck · 02/05/2020 23:06

Sounds like you are the one dealing with the kids. Why? You have a job, part time studies and have made it clear you are not enjoying this at all. He says he is enjoying it, let him take care of them.

And swap work spaces, it will improve your mood.

My guess though is he won't enjoy it anymore when he has to pull his finger out!

BBCONEANDTWO · 02/05/2020 23:07

Can you go back to work from your work area instead of working from home. It's not always ideal wfh - if you could go back let him get on with it and enjoy spending time with the kids (why isn't he working!).

I think he's being unreasonable and can totally understand your point of view.

HailHydra · 02/05/2020 23:07

And who is carrying the home? Sure as fuck, not him.

Swap. Let him plan everything. Literally everything

Original poster

Fantail2018 · 03/05/2020 20:54

Thanks - can't swap as I need privacy and where he is working the kids about a lot as main living area (most of house is open plan).

He does pretty much all the cooking (I sort breakfasts and do baking with kids) and a bit of the cleaning.

He has stepped up last night and said he realises it is getting to me and will sort all the home school stuff this week so will see how it goes.

OP posts:

Whathewhatnow · 03/05/2020 21:03

What an insensitive pillock!

Its fine to pay the devoted home schooler when you have little on and don't do it normally. It's a bit like when you go on holiday and are sad at the prospect of it ending...
I'd be tempted to let him 'enjoy' it 24/7 whilst you are overwhelmed with work in your alcove. You know, because he is loving it....

Getlostu · 03/05/2020 23:43

Just reading about him “loving it” is enough to send me into a rage. It’s ok to bury anybody who says that under the patio. You know that right? They’ve just made it legal. Seriously though tell him that every other mother in the world would shove his arrogant, ridiculous, pathetic, views up his arse. He thinks they have too much screen time does he? Well what does he want them to do? Build the fucking Eiffel Tower. Tell him to shut the F Up. This homeschooling shit is driving us all insane. We’re not teachers. I’m lucky to get an hours work each day out of mine and to be quite honest, I’m done arguing with them. On Friday I let them stay in their pjamas, eat popcorn and watch paw patrol all day. I don’t effing care. I’m not getting paid for this crap. As long as we make it through this alive then job done.

PickAChew · 03/05/2020 23:47

He's not bothered about something that affects you more than him. He does fun dad. You do always mum.

VikVal81 · 04/05/2020 08:43

Having got relatives who work in NHS and a close relative who works for the WHO, I'm not sending my kids back any time soon...Regardless of what the government want to spin...but with regards to your situation, swap with him and let him experience all the glory of full lockdown!

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/05/2020 08:48

It sounds like he’s the one keeping an eye on them during the day as you need privacy for your work so it’s not like he’s closeted himself away and is leaving you to do everything.

Everyone’s finding lockdown different. You’ve got a lot on and it’s fine to look forward to school going back but I don’t get what a lot of other people do about him being utterly useless when he’s presumably managing school work with them as well as his own work leaving you time and space to focus on yours.

ThanosSavedMe · 04/05/2020 08:51

Glad he’s realised that this isn’t great for you hope he actually does step up and do more to make it more bearable

Pipandmum · 04/05/2020 08:59

It's great he's enjoying it but you are entitled to your own experience and feelings so he may be sad for himself, but not discount your feelings. Can you not set up in a room that offers privacy - a bedroom? And good he's sorting out the kids - you need to set up some sort of system (surprised you haven't already) so you feel less overwhelmed.

Italiangreyhound · 04/05/2020 09:01

For a start how can he argue about how you are feeling! Only you know how you are feeling!

So the reality is he us enjoying it you are not.

Now once he has faced this reality he can think of ways to make the experience better for you.

Or not, if he is a selfish cock.

It's not an argument it's a choice.

You are overloaded and working in cramped conditions. He clearly is not. Or he would feel like you.

Rather than telling the kids to be more supportive, he could choose to help you.

Then you I might both enjoy it more.

You not enjoying it is not stopping him enjoying it. Bit his selfish attitude is definitely contributing to how you feel.

Italiangreyhound · 04/05/2020 09:06

Get not convert your bedroom into work since if you need privacy.

I've just read your update and it sounds like he is doing his share of work so I take back the Vick comment. But he still can't define how you feel. I'm actually fine eith lockdown but not everyone is so it really isn't for others to tell is how to feel.

Italiangreyhound · 04/05/2020 09:09

Why not that should read, not get not!

And

Cock commebr not Vick comment!

Original poster

Fantail2018 · 05/05/2020 09:29

He's done a couple of days of properly supervising and realised its not that straightforward (managed to miss a class zoom call). It's definitely given me a bit of a break which helps. I think we'll try and alternate a bit more (my supposed day off tomorrow) and be clearer as to what kids are expected to do.

He is a good dad and partner. Might need to get him to do some renovations so I have a decent office space going forwards as although we've been zero cases for two days now my work is planning for much longer term physical distancing so likely to be doing some work from home long term (but hopefully without kids once at Level 2).

Thanks all for advice and opinions. Great to vent somewhere at this time!

OP posts:

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