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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to have a relationship (5 years on, still single)

7 replies

Treelight · 02/05/2020 19:03

OK, being in lockdown has given me plenty to think about. Divorced 5 years. Single parent life has been good in general but I am missing the intimacy a relationship brings. I'm mid thirties, meet a lot of men at work or socially but can't seem to ever meet anyone who I can see having a meaningful and committed relationship with. I've had a few flings over the years and in all of them I could never see the long term potential. I don't know if I'm being too fussy or if these men just weren't for me. I meet plenty of lovely men around my age but nearly all are married or have girlfriends.

Since lockdown the loneliness has really kicked in. I've been with DC for most of it and obviously no adult company at all. I swing from being proactive in finding someone and putting in a lot of effort until I become exhausted by OLD etc to not caring and focusing on myself. I know comparing yourself to others is no good but was looking at FB today and a friend who became single around the same time as me remarried and had 2 kids. Whereas my life hasn't really moved on at all. I have a nice house, good job, great friends and beautiful DC. I try to live a happy life but just so fed up with doing everything myself and alone. Just looking for anyone who has been in this situation and any advice please. I don't know if its the pressure I've put on myself or expectations from others but I always thought I would meet someone else. Now it hasn't happened I have this sadness/loneliness looming over me all the time. I don't want to care but I think lockdown has made me realise how lonely I am. I know I am fortunate in many ways and I appear happy to most people. They would probably have no idea I feel like this. Any advice please.

OP posts:
lockdownmadness · 02/05/2020 19:09

I know exactly how you feel OP. I've not lived with anyone for 10 years (my exH). Had a few short term relationships over the years and still single. I too thought I'd meet someone. I really dont know the answer, however I am learning each time. Never settle, a lot do! I can only hope in time it comes to me? I've met someone OLD but he just wants to be friends, it is passing the time at the moment but do wonder what the point is.
Feelings I think are magnified right now. I bet you're doing lots of positive things, keep strong!

Mortysays · 02/05/2020 19:28

I was a single mum for what felt like 7 long years and then met my now DH rather unexpectedly. I now look back with fondness at all the time I had with DD, just the two of us. I would say after lockdown maybe try someone new - a new class or club, something out of the ordinary and a new focus. You never know what the future brings but for now just do something that makes you happy.

lockdownmadness · 03/05/2020 16:56

@TreelightTreelight, how are you feeling today?

lockdownmadness · 03/05/2020 16:56

@Treelight

PumpkinP · 03/05/2020 18:54

I feel the same, lock down has made me feel extremely lonely, I can’t date though as no one to look after my kids, so looks like I will be single forever!

sugarlost · 03/05/2020 20:28

Third time trying to post.... why is it so difficult lol

I don't think I'm cut out for 40 plus single years if that's my destiny. I honestly feel like a flame has died within me and I think I see it in some other single friends.

I'm fed up with keeping busy... meet ups etc.. although I enjoy my own company. Fed up with making decisions on my own.. while others are making plans with their partners.

It just feels unfair.. I've been single most of my life and tired of getting on with it with a smile on my face. I have many friends and known for being nice...it's just not enough

sugarlost · 03/05/2020 20:29

Sorry no advice as in the same boat but wish you luck X

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