Wanted: a few mates

[thirtywon]

Ok, sad pathetic title but sadly true. I've namechanged for this. Basically, I really would like some girl friends, you know, someone to go for coffee with (post lockdown obvs), chat girls stuff to etc. I just don't have many friends, more acquaintances. So a bit about me - I'm 31, married with two primary school aged kids. I think here lies the initial issue - I was the first of my peers to have kids at 22. I didn't fit into any NCT groups etc; I was "the young mum". Ditto now at the school gates though they're all super lovely, I just don't really get asked to join in. I work full time and have lovely colleagues but we're not in a "drinks after work" kinda job so seeing them outside is tricky and not really a thing. I've tried though. I've done a few hobbies a long the way in a attempt to make some friends. Anyone else in a similar boat?

Same here! I downloaded the app meetup and joined a girls group with probably about 20 women in the same boat this was back in 2016 kit sure how popular it is now. Then in 2018 I tried bumble, the dating app, there's a friend's option where again I met loads of other women wanting to make friends, went out for meals, drinks in town and bowling things like that. Good luck xx

I just turned 32 this week, i don't have a single friend.

Like you i had a baby young (18) so drifted away from everyone i knew. I had workmates but we rarely went out, only at christmas etc but i have left there now so i don't even have that!

I'm not in this position but I know what it's like. I worked in a job where everyone works hard and goes out drinking a lot. It's also quite normal to live in shared accommodation on site or nearby.

I was the first person who had a baby and moved out and everyone slipped away when I couldn't go for the nights out and I had all the "we'll come and visit soon" that never happened because they were busy getting on with their own stuff.

I went to children's centre groups and everyone was nice but at the end they all went off for coffee or to the park and I wasn't part of the group.

It's sad and I really feel for you.

Sorry I put I'm not in this position because I read the "young mum" bit and missed your now 31. I was in my 30s when I had my dc, so not a young mum.
I wasn't being smug about having hundreds of friends! 😂

I'm similar, I do enjoy my own company but it would be nice to have a good friend

Same here, i moved to a different country, i work in a very small office and most of the people i work with are in there 50's - 60's, I'm 34!

There are local group forums on here - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/local - would it help to post in your area's group ? X

What area are you OP?

Yep! I had my eldest at 18 (she’s 19 now) so I was the ‘young mum’ that all the other mums avoided. My mates all went off to uni and nobody else I knew wanted to hang around with someone that couldn’t ever go on nights out! Since having my other DC I’ve worked but like you, in jobs where after work drinks didn’t really happen. I have some new mates but not really close mates yet as me and my OH only moved here recently

Whilst I'm sad to hear others are in the same boat, I'm really pleased to "meet" you all! I'm in Surrey. Where are all of you?

I completely get where you're coming from. I've drifted from a lot of my friends. I'm fine at making acquaintances but no one I would just meet up with for dinner!
I'm also in Surrey, where abouts are you?

Hi @wobblywibble Kingston (ish) what about you?

Yep 🙌 same boat here. I’m always a “third tier” friend. Moved from where I grew up and where I am now everyone’s got their twenty years plus school mates who always take priority. It’s almost impossible to meet somebody who wants to pick me first for a trip to the shops or a day at a spa. I’m always the go to choice when somebody has dropped out or they’ve literally got nobody else available. I’d love a proper best mate. I’m not far from Surrey. About an hour.

If you organise a post lockdown dinner night out in Surrey, I’ll come 🙌

Me too! And I'm a single mum with a young DS so I can't get out easily. Lockdown has improved my social life as I can zoom! But like you I'm always last!
Not far from Surrey!!

Yay my fellow losers id LOVE a proper best mate.

I'm in a similar situation. I've moved around a lot, and so I have drifted away from friends. I've settled back home (Scotland) after nearly 20 years away. I'm just about to turn 40, and only have a few work friends, but no-one that I can really go out with or have girly chats with, and I do miss it

Same here, older teenagers. I was a fairly young mum by todays standard's and have a few friends but that's it! I need a girly group x

I think friendships can be like looking for a romantic partner, it can take a while to find a good friend.

Are you involved in any group friendships? Are you a natural instigator? It can be hard moving a friendship from acquaintance to Friend especially if the other person is happy to be acquaintances only. Keep going to activities, the more you see the same people, the more you will talk and hopefully build something. I was never very good at suggesting meet-ups etc, but I have learnt to be because somebody has to make the first move. I read something on a website about somebody applying a 3 strike rule. She will initiate contact or organise something 3 times, then if the other person doesn’t do anything, she strikes them off the list. I think it’s a good rule to avoid ending up in one-sided friendships.