Keep having the same argument with dh

[PeanutbutterJamSandwich]

I’ve walked out and gone to sit in a local field as it just annoys me!

We’ve had this same argument over and over again ever since our kids were born... so 10yrs!

He think that I have had it easy, he has put a roof over my head, paid the bills, made sacrifices blah blah blah whilst I’ve looked after the kids. He right, he has and I appreciate it! I tell him this but the argument is, is that he can’t seem to see that I have had to make sacrifices too, particularly with my career due to having children. Plus the only way he’s actually managed to get anywhere with his job is by me enabling it by being main carer for our children.

Why doesn’t he get that? That we’ve been a team? Not that I’ve swanned around with the kids whilst he’s working his arse off?

I do work By the way, never been a SAHM, but have been part time up until 2yrs ago when dd started school and I started my PGCE. I’m now doing my NQT full time.

It fucks me off that he thinks I don’t appreciate him, but he doesn’t appreciate me... but also, what does this actually mean? Does he want me to suck his cock every night and say ‘I appreciate you?’ 😖

Invoice him for all the childcare you have provided...

What is that long joke that goes something like...
Husband gets home from work, he is surprised to see the front lawn covered in kids toys, he steps into the house, there is a chair tipped over, cushions on the floor, the tv is on, toys strewn about, dinner plates with food still on them on the table, the kitchen has spaghetti sauce up the wall, laundry on the floor, dishes and cups scattered on the work top. He rushes upstairs, the beds are not made, craft glitter, glue and paper mashed into the carpets. A trail of biscuit crumbs lead to the bathroom. Shaving foam is splattered up the walls, the tap is running, the toilet hasn't been flushed. Really alarmed by now he runs downstairs, fearing the worst. The dog starts howling by her empty dinner bowl. He heads for the back door, tripping over toys and sliding on broken eggs. Oh God! What has happened? He races into the garden to find his wife sat in a garden chair, reading a book. the kids are playing. "What is going on?" He exclaims to his wife.

She turns to him and says, "You know how you always tell me I do nothing all day, today, that is what I did."

My long winded point is, until he actually experiences what you do for the family, he just will not appreciate you.
You have always done things the same way. Maybe try something new.

Just chipping in to say he is being an absolute cock and having been through PGCE and NQT myself, I am not surprised you are raging. What ignorance.

Why doesn’t he get that?

He does get it. He just prefers this narrative where he gets to pretend he did it all by himself with a side bonus of taking each and every frustration he has about pretty much anything out on his wife under the guise of "I have done everything for my family!" If you leave him he will forever whine about how he did everything for you and his kids and then you took half. He's a right twat and i couldn't live like this with my ex who was similar and so I didn't.

He has no respect for you and does not see that his life and career has been massively facilitated by you and your sacrifices.
I'm not surprised you're raging

There is no way he would be where he is now financially if I wasn’t here for the kids.

Er no, given his attitude, he’d find some other woman to parent them. How many threads on MN have you seen where gf’s have essentially become the NRP to their partner’s kids.

Unfortunately many men (encouraged by society) don’t see parenting their kids as their responsibility.

Is he on the rigs? I like the pp’s story of the husband panicking coming home to a mess. If I didn’t pick up/clear every time I walk into a room, it would be chaos!

Looking after his children and thereby enabling him to go to work is supporting his career. 3 weeks away at a time means you are effectively a single parent for half the time, so he can piss off with his stupid argument. Anyway, why wouldn’t he support you? Presumably it was mutual, having sex so you had kids?

My friend's husband was a bit like this. He was made redundant so they made a family decision that she would go back to work full time and he would be the sahp. He doesn't talk about how easy it is to look after kids any more.