Best friend attempted suicide again

[Lilolily]

my best friend has had a very tough time for the last probably 10 years. Domestic violence, alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide of husband, constant betrayal and mind games by subsequent boyfriend to name a few things, and last night attempted suicide by overdose again (probably the 5/6th time). She’s in the hospital now, alone as due to corona virus even her kids are not allowed in.

I’m waiting for news on her condition but I assume they will just have the psychiatrist assess her this morning and send her home with no support as per usual.

I feel so helpless. I don’t know how to help her. We’ve been to the doctor, counselling, the hospital won’t section despite being asked last time, we can’t get her into a residential detox. I just don’t know what to do.

Will she just keep trying until she succeeds?

Sorry to read this, hope she can get the help she needs and hope you are ok.

Will she just keep trying until she succeeds?

Probably. Support her by supporting her kids.

Try chasing up her psychiatrist again. I know that right now they are trying really hard to not take people into the wards due to Coronavirus, but it's worth making the call and hassling. At least she might get assigned to a crisis team who will call her more regularly.

Which part of the country are you in, if you can say? MH provision does vary hugely. And does she have a diagnosis of any condition? Treatment can change depending on that so I might give different advice.

So sorry you're both going through this.

I completely sympathise OP. I have a friend with similarly awful mental health and have been shocked at how little support she is offered in between suicide attempts

I know she has been referred to a crisis team in the past but I don’t think she has a psychiatrist. She’s in the midlands.

I'm so sorry OP, sounds like she's been badly let down

I am really sorry to hear this. Shocking for all of you involved.

Agree with AgentJohnson.

This might be her destiny.

There are many people hurting deeply. Her DCs will be deeply emotionally injured by the last ten years even if she survives and is able to get support and get better.

I hope that you can take care of yourself and pace yourself.

She tried desperately to save her husband and begged the doctor to section him with no success. She left him in the early hours when he had gone to sleep and he hung himself the next morning. She feels that she failed him and the doctors failed him, and now they’re failing her too.

She couldn't watch him every minute of the day, noone could.

If they've got no dad now, her kids need her. She's their only parent. Is that a factor that can be used (in a positive way) to help her?

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with your friend. Having a lot of personal experience I can confidently say that mental health care in the UK is struggling to cope. I dread to think the amount of suicides that are happening behind closed doors that won't be discovered until after lockdown.

The only thing you can do is be persistent with them. Keep ringing and ringing and ringing. Checking she's okay. Checking on referrals.

It's almost impossible to get sectioned now - which seems bizarre to think that not even that long ago people were being electrocuted for homosexuality (don't agree with that at all) but people can't get the help they desperately deserve now!

I only got a proper psychiatric assessment when I ran out of my mums in my pjs with no proper clothes on, phone, purse etc and drove off. I was then pulled over by police and taken to the nearest mental health hospital - even then this was not helpful.

The crisis team aren't amazing either. I would try and get some more professional advice from charities, they may be able to offer something more concrete.

Do all you can to support her poor children.

He wasn’t her kids dad, but she has stepkids (all kids are grown) who yes, would be losing another mother figure. I’ve tried to explain to her that nobody is responsible for anyone else staying alive, if they’re going to do it they will do it. But I’m not sure that helps when she herself is now suicidal.

I asked her if I or her kids are responsible to save her and she says no, yet she still feels it was hers to save him and she failed.

I think I would even go as far as to say that she needs to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible - which may need to be done privately.. because waiting lists for counselling/therapy as so ridiculously long it sounds like she needs to be stable which medication can do. Not a quick solution but it's better than nothing. GPs freak out a bit about anti depressants/psychotics and only prescribe about 5 different ones.. she'll need to see someone trained in psychiatry. It's helped me A LOT being on appropriate medication but it does take a few weeks

Jist as she couldn't save her husband - he was an adult who made his choice. You can't save her. You can just support her and be there as a friend.

Are her children old enough and responsible enough to work with the medical team to support her? If so there is even less you can do. You can't shoulder all the responsibility yourself. Give.yourself permission to just do the best you can. I hope she gets the help she needs.

OP contact Rethink. They have a very good helpline and should be able to point you in the right direction:Call 0300 5000 927 9:30am to 4pm Monday to Friday

Contact her GP and ask for an appointment with her. She won't be able to discuss the patient's info, obviously, but she can listen to your concerns and perhaps get in contact with the Mental Health Team and perhaps get her some more support.

Other avenues are Mind: 0300 123 3393 9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday

You can check out what local services you have that you can call for advice and information here.

I have no idea how old her children are but they need support which she clearly can't give them. Contact the Children’s Services department at her local LA and explain the situation to them.

Thank you.