Why do men lie?

[justabaglady]

Being told lies is what I asked him never to do knowing that I've experience so much shit in the past that mentally f*'me for years and years. So if when he was feeding me these paragraphs of devotion and love, if there was an inkling of doubt they should never have been said.

I stupidly believed him when he said just two weeks ago that he honestly didn't ever want anyone else but me and couldn't imagine his life without me.

We've been together for just over 2 1/2 years and we're not 'young'.. so saying that to your partner of that long, you're going to trust he means it.

But he didn't.

I am utterly heartbroken and he feels 'nothing' not happy not sad ... nothing.

I really believed that this time I had actually found the one (after being married, twice) and even though the relationship has been turbulent, I was happy with him, I loved him and there's nothing in the world that would have stopped me for fighting for us... but he didn't feel the same.

He realised wants/needs more and is unfulfilled and something is missing but he reiterated many times it wasn't anything that I had done... which I guess was why he was still telling me the 'lies'... until he ended it.

The only thing that was keeping me sane during lockdown was knowing we would be reunited. That's gone to shit!

I am destroyed and honestly, I'm scared for my mental health.

Sorry your having to go through this, there is a perception that we become better people as we age and mature but sadly it's not always the case. It hurts just as much at what ever age we are, perhaps even more frustrating when we are older as we feel stupid for being caught out again. One can't help but internalise it to some extent but its not our fault when we find ourselves tagged on to a liar. They never appear to be at the outset. Speaking from bitter experience all you can do is know your at the acute stage and over time you do heal again. Its a shitty time but you will bounce back.

even though the relationship has been turbulent.

Did you actually believe him or were you desperate to believe him because you were in denial about things in the relationship that weren’t working?

People lie, it's not just a male trait and we lie for lots of reasons. You said you are scared for your mental health, that could be one reason that he didn't tell you the truth, he knew you were fragile and worried about your reaction? I think lockdown is going to end a lot of relationships, people are going to realise they can no longer be a couple or realise they are happier alone. Breaking up is painful and sad but it's better than being lied to or in relationship with someone who doesn't want you.

How was your relationship turbulent? Did you argue a lot? did you both have difficult events happening in your lives?

Sorry you're feeling so awful.

I also wonder about the turbulence.... and why did you feel you had to fight for the relationship? You emotions seem somewhat intense. It's normal to be sad, heartbroken even, when an important relationship ends. But destroyed? And scared for your mental health?

Could it be that he did try, but it was all too much for him in the end? Did your previous marriages follow a similar pattern? Have you ever had counselling?

I would expect you to feel bereft at this point. Totally normal to feel you're going a bit bonkers...you were with the man for 2 and a half years and now he's ended it. It's a shock and obviously deeply upsetting. The intense feelings will pass though...you know that.

The panic is part of the shock and it will pass. It's not your "mental health" it's you being human and reacting to a very upsetting situation.

Like other posters have said though....turbulent? Was it as good as you think it was or have you got rose tinted glasses on? Turbulent to me translates as a problem...maybe he saw it, but you didn't, or didn't want to?

Sending strength