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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dirty dishcloth

16 replies

Giveme · 01/05/2020 16:06

There's so much more to this than a dirty dishcloth, but I've felt exhausted juggling homeschooling, working from home, cleaning and tidying constantly, creating schedules and new routines for the family so that we can fit everything in etc.
DH sees to his own workload and waits for instructions with regards to everything else. If I don't instruct him (which I absolutely hate doing), he sits around scratching his balls, or parents half-heartedly and basically lives half-heartedly.

This week, I have been fed up of giving instructions, so I've stopped. I've stopped cooking most of the meals, stopped doing all the washing, stopped thinking for him at all, stopped all the correspondence between, schools, doctors, the DCs friends.

I have stopped all of this a number of times, but eventually became fed up of everything being done to a minimal, shit, half-hearted standard. So I pick-up again.

I've posted here before.

This time, I just wanted to share a picture of a dishcloth that was hung over the taps, ready for using again tomorrow yesterday evening, after he had washed up. The sink was also full of scum and food.

This is why I do most of the work. And partly because, leaving him to do it and then having to 'tell him' to do it properly every.single.day kills another little piece of my soul.

Dirty dishcloth
OP posts:
aerosocks · 01/05/2020 16:08

Christ - and I thought my DH's washing-up skills were shit.

HappyHammy · 01/05/2020 16:11

That's nasty. Is he working from home. Is your relationship open enough to sit down and discuss what needs doing and sharing the chores or is he just a lazy lump.

HappyHammy · 01/05/2020 16:11

Have you posted that pic to his parents

Giveme · 01/05/2020 16:17

He's a lazy lump. He put on a great show for the first year or 2. Then we married, had kids and yes... I'm now lumbered with it.

His parents think he's fan-bloody-tastic. He puts on a great show for them too.
I often question myself.
So my new plan is to take photographic evidence of the lump I'm living with.

OP posts:
Giveme · 01/05/2020 16:19

I may share a photograph or two as a 'joke' to his parents. DH would take huge offence as he also thinks he's perfect and I would no doubt be dealing with "shall I take a photo of that and send it to X" each time I did something in the future.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 01/05/2020 16:19

Sounds like a good planGrin

dontknowyibother · 01/05/2020 16:25

God I feel you on this. Yesterday I had a blazing row with DP. About the same things as you.

Today I feel mentally done. I've gone on some kind of strike now because I've completely had enough of trying to juggle housework, kids, life and being considerate to everyone else in the house yet no one seems to consider me.

Aquamarine1029 · 01/05/2020 16:27

I can't understand why so many women put up with these useless twats.

Giveme · 01/05/2020 16:30

@dontknowyibother it's awful and lonely and soul destroying when you feel that way. I really empathise and understand that feeling. It's like my job is to be here for everyone else, to maximise their comfort and living potential, whilst I neglect my own needs. I am getting much better at not neglecting myself, sounds like you are too, but the loneliness is drowning.

If I broach any of this with DH, sulks and I feel even more alone.

I'll get out one day.

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Smellbellina · 01/05/2020 16:34

I had the audacity to ask ‘d’p to load the dishwasher after dinner once a day as bar taking out the bins (occasionally) he does fuck all else.

His reaction did it for me, left it til the next day then ranted and raved about having to lift a finger whilst WFH and ‘providing for everything’ whilst I sit on my ‘’fat lazy arse’ (he’s sat in his office, Must Not Be Disturbed’ with a laptop open, and YouTube and some ridiculous online game on his computer, I overheard him laughing and bragging to his friend the other night about how little he is actually doing!!!)

I am also WFH (part time admittedly) whilst homeschooling 4DC and doing everything else.

He’s a fuckwit and I hate him.

FlowerArranger · 01/05/2020 16:43

Angry For a second ibthought you were going to say he'd used the fishcloth to wipe his... Shock

FlowerArranger · 01/05/2020 16:44

DISH.... dishcloth...

dontknowyibother · 01/05/2020 16:47

My living room is an absolute shithole I get he has to WFH but fuck me tidy your shit away it's still our home. But no I've just walked in there and could cry. Basically because I haven't been round and collected all the shit bits and bobs people have left laying around it looks like a squat.
I'm determined not to touch any of it though.

I totally agree about feeling lonely and neglecting your own needs to see to everyone else. My wants and needs seem to be way down the line.

mamato3lads · 01/05/2020 20:56

He cleaned your dishes with THAT? 🤢

Leave it laid out on his pillow tonight, lazy fucker

StormBaby · 01/05/2020 21:01

Oh god, are you married to my ex husband?

Giveme · 02/05/2020 09:32

It's definitely gross judging by these responses.
Yesterday, he started to wash up and I said "no, no I'll do it."
He said
"Why? You don't wash up properly!" 😲
I did then tell him that the state of the sink and cloths after he washes up is disgusting, so I'd take a bit of dirton a glass over that.
He huffed and puffed and sulked. 👎

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