Hi, I'm sorry I came here, I don't have kids, but I always read how supportive mumsnet can be. I'm really struggling and confused at the moment.
I have been with my SO for 5 years now, at the beginning everything was great. We were in a long distance relationship for the first year, but then I moved halfway across the country to be with him. It was then that things went downhill. My main complaint is that we rarely sleep together, possibly twice a year for the last 3 years. I try to bring up the conversation but he gets instantly defensive. He says it's not me, that he's getting his head together. I've put on weight since moving down, only a stone, but with him not wanting sex my self esteem is really low. In the last month I've lost half a stone, so am working towards getting back on track. He told me once that he wants to keep me overweight so no other man will want me, though he said it was a joke. I'm not sure what to do, he says he loves me, wants a family, which he knows is what I've always wanted but it feels like he's dangling a carrot in front of me and it will never happen. Everytime we talk about the issue we argue, he says he's 'getting there' and we'll be fine, but I'm starting to think that he will never change and I'm wasting my time. I suggest going to the doctors to have his testosterone checked, or relationship councelling but he refuses. It's not just sex, we don't cuddle in bed (he comes to bed hours after me and wakes up before me), we don't watch movies curled up, he doesn't hold my hand, he won't do more than peck me on the lips. I feel utterly worthless.
Last week I wrote him a letter, as I struggle to get out what I want to say when I get emotional. I said the relationship is not enough for me, that I need more, that I want to feel like a woman again. He gave me a hug and said things will get better because he doesn't want to lose me. He's been more attentive, but nothing intimate. I know that in long term relationships you don't have as much sex as you did at the beginning, but is 2 times a year normal? I'm 33.
I have no idea what to do, any and all advice would be hugely appreciated. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and I'm scared of making the wrong decision.