Husband denies affair

[Frances123456]

Hi
Advice on getting over suspicions Husband had affair/ sexual involvement with another woman. Suspected my husband had affair with one woman in 2014/2015 and 2018. however he denied both and then " gaslighted ". Told me I was paranoid, stressed, menopausal. He said this to our adult children ( who live at home) as well . He is a brilliant liar. Some of the hurt as gone now but cannot trust him. Children are dependent on me for present, financially ( as well as husband ( who is not in good health, has chronic health problems).

Not sure what to do. Thank you

OP - to put it gently - if all the evidence of the two affairs over the years is one wanking phone call and looking at a woman in a pub - then I am inclined to say that you are making more of it than there has ever been. And it’s unclear if it’d been anything anyway.
And of those two bits of evidence - wanking is really only one relevant bit.
Whether or not it was worth the years of anguish is only for you to decide.

In general is seems that you are overwhelmed with all of the pressures in your life and are quite unhappy. Anyone would be if they had to support adult children and a husband who is drinking away rather than helping out.
You don’t need to have a justification for separating. You can do it any time.

Hi Caringdenise009
Yes, I did. He just said " what phone call". " I do not remember a phone call " etc. Deny and lie.
As I walked into the room after hearing it, he said it was my daughter on the phone, who loves away. It was not for a few days afterwards that I realised it was not and I realised what it was, i.e he was on the phone to a woman while having a wank. 15 secs before that he was saying " I cannot make it on Monday". that is a day when I work from home. All of this is just suspicion, but it makes me sad and unhappy to be with him.

You don't need evidence. Being unhappy is enough. You don't need anyone's permission to leave and file for divorce if that's what you want to do

thank you MMmomDD
you re right. There was separate evidence for the other relationship that happened in 2014-2015. I suppose I have got over that, especially as it was sexually intimate but than sex. In the last relationship I am not sure.
I have wasted 2 years over this. I should have know him, and not confronted him as " lie and deny" is what he does. I have not obsessed about this all the time but making decisions over a mortgage last year seemed to bring it all up again. I am going to move on from this.
Thank you