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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you give someone a second chance?

7 replies

Claire926 · 30/04/2020 22:53

A few years ago a friend and I got close, we did not sleep together. He let me go and made an excuse at the time which I did not take very well. I later found out he was having some problems in his life but he had too much pride to tell me. I would ignore him at venues with mutual friends as I was hurt which was immature but I made amends so I could be at peace.

I have sporadicly seen him since. Nearly 3 years later I bumped into him before lockdown. He randomly asked if I was seeing anyone and then told me he had not luck with his dating when I asked him. From his body language I can tell he has some sort of feelings for me.

My head says forget him after all of the heartache I went through trying to move on last time. Friends have told me I should meet someone new. It's like the feelings all came back once I saw him again. But then my heart says 'what if'. Is it worth another try after lockdown or move on?

OP posts:
MzHz · 30/04/2020 23:00

No.

Am middle aged and have done OLD etc and second chances usually end up with us with egg on our faces...

MikeUniformMike · 01/05/2020 09:52

No. Move on.

WickedlyPetite · 01/05/2020 10:01

From his body language I can tell he has some sort of feelings for me.

While I do believe you genuinely think that - anyone can put their own spin and read anything into body language, unspoken words, etc.

Don't do it.

Dery · 01/05/2020 10:08

The consensus appears to be - forget it.

The fact is we know nothing about you and him and nothing about what went on at the time. In particular, we don't know what his feelings for you were or why he put his pride before those feelings and thought it was better to cut you loose with a hurtful excuse than open up to you and whether he would do the same a second time. But presumably your friends do know and it's fair to assume they have your best interests at heart. Unless you have any reason to believe they don't have your best interests at heart, since they are telling you to forget him and move on, it seems like the wise thing to do. After all, you bumped into him by chance - it doesn't sound like he's made any effort to find you and resume contact. You should at least make him try a lot harder to win you back before you consider going down that road again, and even then it may well be best to avoid it.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/05/2020 13:41

OK - you didn't even sleep together?
So were just good friends and he dropped you.
He was a pretty crap friend so I can't imagine he'd make a good boyfriend.
Only you know though.
I do think he will let you down again.

browzingss · 01/05/2020 13:45

Sounds like he has no other options so he’s a bit desperate after many failures and has run back to you

I would never be someone’s second choice personally

Claire926 · 03/05/2020 21:39

Thank you for all of your replies. I have been researching and making plans for the future to pursue new hobbies and meet new people which has helped me focus. I look forward to going down new avenues and the new groups look great.

I have one concern. 18 months ago a friend had a Christmas party and the guy I liked was there. At the time I was acting dismissive as I wanted to seem like I had moved on. He tried to hint he was still interested but he thought I had moved on. He started chatting to another woman at the party and they were getting on.

A friend came up to me and asked how I was as they had not seen me in a while. Obviously this question triggered my feelings and emotions and I burst into tears saying I was not ok. Some other friends rallied round to help me calm down as I was shaking from seeing him with this woman. The guy I liked never saw this happen. It was not his fault, he was just talking to someone.

The thing is how I can handle myself when there will be birthday parties he will be at? I can’t avoid celebrations for my friends. I can’t let my feelings consume me.

It’s ridiculous as I usually move on if it was someone else.

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