How to survive lockdown when it's all falling apart

[Pingolo]

Anyone up for a support thread on surviving lockdown when you're relationship is in tatters?

Don't know if mines in tatters, but I look at him over the last week and find him incredibly irritating and want to run away...can't as I'm shielded and have no where to go atm. Definately gonna make some big changes at some stage depending on what happens after the pandemic...been bored stiff for a while and this has def made me rethink it all

I’m here to to say hello and support.
My relationship has hit a rocky patch and it has been difficult since the new year.
We do not live together and although we are now spending time apart for lockdown I feel this doesn’t help. I feel we are drifting apart and losing intimacy when we should be trying to spend more quality time with each other and put the effort in to make it work.
He was keeping me at arms length before the lockdown, no sex since jan, no staying over at each other’s houses etc and it’s just getting worse.
I feel for you when you are probably stuck living with each other with no where to have a bit of time alone.

I think the lockdown will be followed by the Great Relationship Reshuffle.
I'm in the middle of it. It's tough.

Me plesse can I join
After telling my H I was no longer in love with him, we went into lockdown and hes acting like the conversation never happened! And due to the fact we may well be in this lockdown for a while it seems I have to just suck it up..its killing me :(

Slowly falling apart here too. Unfortunately the more I think about it, the more I realise I would be screwed financially if I left.
No advice sorry but just a hand hold to know you are not alone 🤝

Can I join? Found out my partner was having an affair a few weeks before lockdown. All contact with OW was stopped when he told me and we have been trying to move forward together but being stuck on top of each other constantly isn't helping the already fragile situation. Plus I have a 4 year old DD who I'm trying to protect from everything.
Sending a hug to everyone x

Same here. Last Friday let him know I want to separate. We have been trying to keep things together for 4-5 years but this has shown me that enough is enough and whatever happens afterwards, if I stay married to him I will lose myself. It is really hard isn't it.

@Twingirlsrock Wow, sounds very brave telling him whilst stuck in lockdown (presumably with him?)

I could have written your post. 5 years of agonising and feeling miserable in the marriage, slowly losing myself in it all and this pandemic and subsequent has really made me think. Life is too short. I’m waiting for the lockdown to lift as can’t bear the thought of his reaction and being unable to escape, plus DC to think of who is also at home with us 24/7. After the lockdown I want out and for the first time ever I actually believe I’ve got it in me to do it.

It isn’t easy at all, is it? My sympathies with all .

I'm having a right shitter, I've fallen out with my best friend and got dumped 😕 my head is totally up my arse!

At the end of my tether with dh. I don't think I love him. I seriously need to consider ending it when life gets more back to normal

Save your pennies ladies, and get dreaming!

I feel we are drifting apart and losing intimacy when we should be trying to spend more quality time with each other and put the effort in to make it work. He was keeping me at arms length before the lockdown, no sex since jan, no staying over at each other’s houses etc and it’s just getting worse.

@Lockdowncrazy.... It looks like you have more than drifted apart. This clearly isn't going to get better, but so why are you clinging on? Seems to me you ought to be using the lockdown as an opportunity to plan your future, without him.

@littlegirlost I’m in exactly the same position and just have no idea what to do.

@FlowerArranger I know it’s just so sad to see the relationship end, I really do love him and last year with him was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. Was hoping we could get ack to that and I was willing to try. Seems he isn’t.
Lockdown has given me a lot of thinking time and I will wait till I can see him face to face to tell him that from my side it is over.

@Torres10 me too. Told him things were over about three weeks before lock down. Had to tell him again about 1 week before as he clearly hadn't taken it in. Having listened and agreed I could buy him out which I am now progressing he seems to be acting like nothing has changed. I am sure he doesn't really believe it will happen. I am at my wits end now thinking that he will never go... he's clearly not looking to and of course has the perfect excuse that he can't look at any alternative places to live. At the end of all this maybe he will say I have to wait until he buys. I really can't stand any more of this waiting, not having to live with him a moment longer. Like slow torture finally making the decision after years of agonising and a terrible year that it really was finished and now I am stuck with him... it seems indefinitely. Many plans formed in my head or acted on but he continues to have no plans at all.

I was ready to move. Had found a house that I liked to let. Had mentally left the relationship. But not had the conversation. Then we had lockdown.

My DBro described it as me being locked in a ‘holding pattern’ like when a plane is trying to land and can’t.

And I’m just having to play along...

I'm guessing there's no way to rent somewhere at the moment? I can't take much more of this

@Comps83.... You won't know until you start looking. Rightmove, local estate agents websites...

@Comps83 - I'm signed up to Rightmove and Primelocation. It gives one hope!!
Also contact local lettings agents if you can, and get your details on their files. I fessed up to several of them about my situation, so they are very much on my side.

Knowledge is Power :)

I've found several estate agents are happy to show properties if they're already empty. I'd be careful about telling them you're in the middle of a separation as that can mean inability to pay rent if the other partner is difficult.

I'm on Mumsnet this morning to start this exact thread. I'm joining if that's ok.

I'm back again, 4/5 years now of dithering and thinking and I'd said "as soon as DS gets his GCSEs" well now that's happened and I'm stuck at home with him all I can say is get me out of here.

It's going to be bloody awful, but I just can't live with the utter boredom, the monotone voice, the sulking, the woe is me and the complete cocklodger I've found myself with.

He's sat back and I drive the whole family, so now I'm driving it away from him.

He's sat back and I drive the whole family, so now I'm driving it away from him.

Better late than never. You go, @whynotchangemore

@FlowerArranger what's your story? Are you stock as well or did you make a break for it?

I've just been on rightmove and the rental prices are just shocking, I'm praying they come down to a level I can afford on my own.

Neither of us can buy each other out, so I'd rather we keep the family home he's can stay in that, and I move out as a temporary measure, I can't see houses selling quickly.

Has anyone done it that way around? My boys are old enough to chose who they want to stay with, I just know I'll have to leave my dogs in the family home until I can get my own house.

The housing market is in the toilet unfortunately, & we would have to sell up to get two places :(
So not only do I have a husband carrying on as if all is well with the world, there is nothing i can do about it anyway, the joy!
What really worries me is my expectation that house prices will drop, a lot of people will have less job security and a lot of people could be in negative equity, with the effect of paralyzing the market and with it, any plans I may have had of a new life in the foreseeable:(
Maybe a first world problem, but it a bigger stressor for me right now than the virus itself!

@whynotchangemore..... My story is long and complicated

Suffice to say that I chose to leave after a VERY long marriage. Coupledom is much overrated...

“The key is in learning how to live a healthy, satisfying, and serene life without being dependent on another person for happiness.”
― Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much