Time to get out of this toxic relationship

[shakiwulub9]

Just that really.
I have tried twice in the past year, each time my boyfriend has played the "I cannot live without you" and "life isn't worth it if you're not around" card. I had a lot of stress going on in my family at the time so typical me I fell for all of this and took him back. 12 months on, I'm happy, in a good job, with a great family around me, and he really isn't bringing any value to my life whatsoever. I talk to him on the daily because I have to, not because I want to.
Lockdown has made me realise that I truly can live without him - I haven't seen him for 6 weeks and it's been fabulous! I haven't missed him once. I've had some really good Skype/Zoom calls with friends, playing quiz nights and having a drink and a laugh with them. It's opened my eyes to the fun that is out there and the fun I could be having when lockdown is over.
I'm just so scared to end it because I am scared of the emotional manipulation.
He has never done me wrong as such, but the relationship spark has certainly fizzled out, and it just isn't making me happy anymore.
What do I do? What do I say? Can I do it during lockdown or is it best to wait until this is all over?

My BF and I are both 23 if that helps. We do not live together. Tia x

Do it in a text and then block him on everything. He tries knocking on your door just ignore it. Perfect time to do it with the lockdown.

Probably.You started 3 threads on it.
I'd text him saying it is over then block him on everything.

Yes, if you are not missing him and there is no spark then lockdown is the perfect time. If it were me I would write to him via email or letter if you think he will try to talk you round. Then block him from everything. Tell him the truth, that you don’t have any feelings for him anymore. He can’t argue with that. Unfortunately there isn’t really a kind way to do it with people like him that won’t take no for an answer. You probably won’t feel good about it but in time you will see it was the best option. You will really need to stick to it and stay strong. Good luck, enjoy your single life until the right guy comes along.

Imo it's your feelings or his. Put yourself first op...
Message him, block him, delete him.

I ended a marriage by text years ago - no regrets.
Lockdown is the perfect time op.
Don't today.
Make May 1st - tomorrow - the first day of the rest of your life...

Just for the record - it doesn't have to be a toxic relationship for you to end it although it is somewhat toxic that he has emotionally blackmailed you into staying.

It's enough that you're just not feeling it any more. You're 23 - you're both still young and it's clear the relationship has run its course for you. Personally I wouldn't wait until after lockdown because he will presumably be champing at the bit to meet up again and it will be even more of a blow to him to discover the relationship is over. And I think it will be harder for you to end it if you're face to face with him and you do need to end it because the longer it drags on the worse for both of you.

He will be hurt but that's no reason to continue the relationship (and it wouldn't be for him if positions were reversed). He will get over it. Nearly everyone has their heart broken at some point and everyone gets over it. He will too.

In any case, you shouldn't be in a relationship unless you want to be in it - and you no longer do. Life is not a dress rehearsal - this is your one shot. You can't be with someone you don't want to be with.

And he deserves a relationship with someone who wants to be with him. He might not see it that way at first but you do him no favours by keeping him dangling when it's over for you.

As to what do you say: just say that it doesn't work for you any more to be in a relationship with him because you don't feel that way about him any more and it's not fair to either of you to let things go on any longer.

He will put pressure on you to take him back, like you have in the past, but you will have to stand firm and that may involve blocking him if he becomes a pest (personally I think it's a bit harsh to block someone just because you've finished with them because I associate blocking someone with them having done something wrong but I may be behind the times on that). Do stand firm because you do neither of you any favours by waivering.

Good luck.

Do it now. If you block him from texting and calling, then he won't be able to manipulate you! Don't answer the door, don't let him confront you. If he left any personal items at your place, just ship them to his place so that you won't have to meet up with him. You can do this!

Sure. Message him. And make sure to add 'i do not wish to hear any more 'I cannot live without you' emotional blackmail. I'll just send the police round round if you pull any of that crap this time'. Then delete and block him on everything.

If he shows up at the house, dont answer the door. If he wont leave or he comes back, call the police.

Now is a great time to do it. He can't come to see you and if he does just call the police.

In your shoes just ring him then. Lock him

Thank you all so much for your advice and support. I really appreciate it. I'm not quite sure how I managed to post the same thread 3 times, but you're all singing from the same hymn sheet, as it were! I will do this. 1st May will be the start of the rest of my life 💪🏻

Good luck! Maybe let us know how it goes!

Look up coercive control, he's not letting you go. My ex wouldn't leave, took me over a year. Good luck

Just to say thank you all so much - I did it!!!

Yay!

You block him?

Well done!!.

That’s great! Well done! That must be a relief!

It is a huge relief, I felt very nervous before I did it, but I fought the feelings, I knew deep down in my head and my heart that this was the right thing to do for me.
But, as quite a relief this time, he said he wasn't surprised, that he saw it coming, and that he agreed it was for the best now.

I feel such a weight off my shoulders!