Pregnant and dealing with a mother with narcissistic traits

[Mimosa20]

Covid has caused a lot of uncertainties for everyone. Pregnant ladies already have much to deal with, so the covid was not welcome. Change of pre-natal appointments, no prep courses, no proper contact with anyone and no joy of going shopping for things that first time mum's usually do. I positive should we stay?

I'm in my late pregnancy with my first, isolating far away from my partner who's a healthcare worker. Good thing is, I'm close to my mum and extended family, but it's tough not having your partner with you seeing and feeling your tummy grow.

As much as I love my mum, she is equally super difficult. She has a strong narcissistic personality trait, which has made my time during covid even more challenging. I've been down and stressed, and not been in the head space to satisfy her urge for attention and approval. We've had several arguments, where she feels sorry for herself and wonder why I'm 'always so nasty to her'. She is unable to be empathetic towards my situation, and keeps turning the topic how things are worse for her (not sure how?).

I live alone, and see her a few times per week from a safe distance (which she almost finds insulting). She does not seem to take the epidemy for real, and gets on with her business almost as usual. This makes me nervous as I know she could carry the virus. I don't want to have pre-natal appointments cancelled because I get symptoms.

Her demanding behaviours is too much for me now, and I can't keep faking a positive attitude where I'm praising how good she is. How can I deal with this situation? I don't even know if my partner will make it for the delivery because of the distance we have, and need to self-isolate for 2 weeks when coming from abroad.

It is really not possible to have a relationship with a narcissist and I would suggest you now cut down further any and all interactions you have with her ultimately to zero sum. That may well be beyond the pale for you now so but you need to lower all your current levels of contact with her It is not your fault she is like this and you did not make her that way.

You do not mention your dad in all this; where is he?. Are your partner's parents nice, and importantly emotionally healthy, people?.

You need to put more mental as well as physical distance here between you two. What are your boundaries also like with regards to your mother; they seem very low mainly and simply because she has encouraged you not to have any. You are seeing her also far too often and she does not care about any of your distress. She will not like you setting any boundaries and will likely rail against them.

I would also keep your child well away from her going forward too; she was not a good parent to you when you were growing up and she won't be a nice example of a grandparent to your child.