Am I really that bad? Why do I keep getting myself into trouble

[Smitneybeers]

I haven’t had the best of mornings to be honest and I could really do with some help realising if I’m really as bad as this and what I can do to change.

This morning me and DP woke up. He’s currently furloughed and I am still working as a key worker. The hours aren’t particularly long but it does mean I have to wake early and walk a long way to get there.
Before lockdown DPs motorbike got stolen off our drive the police were too busy to deal with it and subsequently... we’ll it’s gone and the excess on the insurance was around the cost of the bike anyway so there was no point in claiming and we just wrote it off as a loss. Once DP was furloughed and I continued to work we decided to save as much as we can toward a new bike as really all we would be spending is money for food, however we both decided to decorate parts of the house. A lick of paint and some decor which I really didn’t think cost a lot. All the while DP agreeing and saying how wonderful it all looks. I’ve also bought some other things we didn’t really need a couple of bottles of wine for me here and there. Beer for him. Treats for DD. But we’ve also spent a lot more money on food this month. More than double actually.
So DP wakes up this morning. It’s pay day and he realises that he’s £50 short on his wage. He was originally furloughed at 100% pay but it went down to 80% after a certain period of time which is why his wage is £50
Down as such.

I told him in the grand scheme of things it’s not a huge amount to loose and he is fortunate to have been on 100% pay in the first place. I still have to go to work and get paid the same so he should be thankful.

Well that was it. He blew up and I mean blew up. He said, I spend all the money. I don’t do anything. I don’t want him to be happy. I don’t want him to have a motorbike. I’m shit at saving. I buy loads of unnecessary crap. And basically it’s all my fault because we’ve only managed to save £40. I am terrible with saving I will admit that. But everything I do I make sure he’s happy with too. After all it is OUR money and he knows exactly where it’s going. I will readily admit that I maybe did over spend on something’s but I just always seem to get the backlash of everything. Not just from DP but from other members of my family too. I feel like I’m constantly getting into bother no matter how hard I try and I honestly feel like just running away and never coming back.

Please help me find some perspective. What’s wrong with me?

Well he needs to get a job that pays more instead of blowing up at you for not magicking money up where it just doesn’t exist. Tell him to cop on and take some responsibility himself if he doesn’t feel there’s enough money.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

We take home together over 2k per month. It’s not a great wage but we manage. I think the thing about him being grateful came out wrong. What I meant was he should be greatful he was on 100% in the first place and not straight on to 80%.
You are all right he doesn’t know how much shopping costs because he doesn’t do it. I always do the food shop because I’m the one that always cooks. So maybe he should start doing some of that.
The thing is we always both agree before we buy something. We always say let’s get this for this and work out what we will have left over so he knew exactly what was going in and out. I think he just had a bit of a wobble and tensions are running high probably.

It's not your fault he's behaving like a spoilt brat and wants to make you feel bad because he's feeling bad he hasn't got his bike.
He probably let you get finance for a new one and pay for it too, if you offered. (Don't). I get picked on a lot by people too because I'm easy going ignore it. You have made your home nice for all of you, you have brought some treats for you all. He will have his bike when and if you can afford it. He got his wages he can save some. Tell him to buy a pedal bike until he can afford something else. X

Well in the grand scheme of things we are in the middle of a pandemic so tell him to shut up and enjoy living

Ok his reaction is bad but you do say you agreed to save but you are bad at saving. I think together you need to look at your income and what you want to save. You need to put the savings 'away' each month so nobody uses it but obviously if you need to, then you can. I had a slightly similar issue with my DP moaning about joint expenses until I sent him to do the food shop and he realised how much stuff added up to - it stopped his concern quickly!

I’m not sure he’s the spoilt brat to be fair, that’s a bit much, if it’s the op doing the spending and he’s worried about money.

Op as said you just need to work together, set a savings plan and stick to it, and then spend whatever disposable income is left, spend as you agree,

He’s definitely not a spoilt brat at all. But as I said we always go in to spending together. The only thing he doesn’t spend on is the food shop. He has no idea how much it actually costs to feed a family. I think the suggestion to put away a set amount every month is better than just winging it like we have been doing.

He has no idea how much it actually costs to feed a family.

Er, ignorance doesn’t absolve him.

Draw up a budget together and stop making excuses for his and your poor financial planning.

Not to excuse his behaviour because, as others have said, he should actively participate in budgeting and have voiced his concerns, but I’ve been furloughed and I feel like shit about it. I don’t feel lucky at all. I feel rejected by work, concerned about my future, like I’m useless. I love my job and I’m really passionate about it so I feel so sad I can’t do it now. I’m also really frightened that this may lead to redundancy. Maybe he feels similar and he took it out on you? It’s not right but maybe just be careful telling him he’s been lucky etc.

Plus if he’s on furlough is it the best time to be saving up for a bike and doing home improvements? I’m putting any money away in case I lose my job or my money gets cut any further.

Sounds like you have low self esteem which makes it easier for people to have a go at you. Work on building up self love x

Agree a set amount to save each month, a set amount for joint expenses and then you’re own disposable spends. You both have a different attitude to money and clearly as he needs the bike then it’s going to be more important to him to save for it.

You have only saved forty quid, it’s not going to go far, and you say he agreed rhe treat and extra spends then say you over spent on some things, I’m not sure it can be both.

You both need to start putting budgets in place and then sticking to it.