Just under 20 year age gap

[Sweetmummy77]

Before we all had went on lock I had met a guy socialy that I knew was older. We got on well and that was it. Since being in lockdown we have kept in contact and get on really very well. For the last two weeks we have talked every night for at least a couple of hours. We are both single and he treats me perfectly. Not over the top just perfect.

There is an age gap and this evening i discovered it was more than I thought (I'm 35 and he is nearly 55) he is very young for his age both physicsly and mentally. I know it sounds stupid as we do get on great but I just had a little bit of nerves about the gap. Ultimately I have a young son who is 7. Would a man of this age really want the hastle of being with a woman who has a young child.

I really do like him and he has invited me out for dinner when this is all over. I really can see us getting on very well and if it wasn't the age I wouldn't have any concerns.

Your decision...but it's a large gap for a long term relationship.

I am less worried about whether he wants to hang around with your son and more concerned about you in 15 years’ time. When you are 50 and he is 70 it might feel very different to now. I think I just wouldn’t ‘go there’ at this stage for fear of not being able to walk away later on.

I mean...still a gap for short term..but a much older man like him is at a different stage on life.

Go for it! I am your age and OH is 51 so a bit smaller age gap than you two. We met over 5 years ago but he did lie about his age, I only found out after I fell for him!

A date is a date, you might hit it off or you might not! If you do and things get serious, just consider how things may be as you get older as the dynamics will change. Work out if you think you can cope with that.

Too big a gap. It's a nope for me.

Also meant to say, OH moved in with my 3 children then aged 6, 10 and 11. His kids are all adults (oldest is 27, youngest 20) so was a big adjustment for him to move in, especially as he does not particularly like children!

Have you spoke to him about your son? I think whether a man wants to be with someone who has a young child depends on the man rather than his age.

Thats exactly my concern. We are at different stages of life. I have to think about all of this! I have no doubts that he is genuine and that we get on. Knock 10 years off that and not such an issue. I wasn't looking for anyone and I suspect he wasn't. We just clicked! I know in some cases it works in some it doesn't.

10 year gap between me & dh. I wouldn’t want it any bigger and would love for it to be less - not to swap him, but he is starting to get older and I feel young still!

He has seen me with my son so he knows I have a little one. That hasn't phased him at all. He has kids but they are now adults a little big younger then me. He is what i would call a real Gent. We talk for hours about anything and have more in common then we thought.

My parents were 16 years apart in age. They were very happy together. Go for it.

17 years between me and my boyfriend (he is older). Together two years now - living together about 6 months. Very happy - we have lots in common, and it’s a much more calm, peaceful relationship than any I have had in the past. The sex is better, too! I have an 8 year old he gets on well with, and I have good relationships with his grown up children. I rarely think about the age gap to be honest (apart from to tease him about it sometimes - in an affectionate way). I just don’t see it as a big deal.

When you are 60.... Still fairly young

He will be 80

That's a big gap...

Boris and Carrie - bigger age gap.

Thank you for all the comments. A few things for me to think about. When we talk i don't think either of us think about the age. It was just last night after talking it hit me and I guess I started doing the maths. I have normaly dated and married around my own age but it is the calmness and respect that he clearly has. He is not pushing his luck at all which is completely refreshing!

Speaking from experience, it's your child rather than the age per se because he's at a different life stage. Does he want to fill his weekends doing kid stuff? A long term relationship would mean him making lots of sacrifices. My ex tried (no age gap) but found a it just doesn't work if one of you has kids

I think it's too big a gap. I have a friend whose husband is 20 years older than her. Was fine when they were young but now she is 61 and he is 81.

She is still fit and lively and wants to go out for days, on holiday etc. He wants to stay in and do nothing.

Exactly right and that was why I thought it really important to mention my DS. Not because we are that stage of anything but because it is something I need to have in my mind. I know this guy adores me and I think the world of him. I think at the moment it's make the most of lockdown and see what is on the otherside of it.

It's still early days for you both and until you both get to spend more time physically it will be easy to see it all through rose tinted glasses. For some people large age gaps work and that's fine, but it's the longer term eventually you need to look at. I'm late 40s and with someone 3 years older, which for me is perfect as we are at the same stage in life and hold the same values

I couldn't imagine being with someone 20 years older than me at my age, they would be in their 70s and that gives me the ick even thinking about it. It's different if you grow older together, but when you are 50 and he's 70 odd, would you feel the same? You might and you might not.

It might be fine for the 'right now', but you have a lot to consider before you start letting him into your life further and introducing him to your DC.